Scripture: 1 Peter 3:8-12
Sermon Series: One Another – Doing Church Life Together – Sermon 09
A couple was looking forward to a long-awaited date night. They had birthdays at the same time of year, and it was time for their mutual birthdays. The wife had planned for a group of friends to meet them for a surprise birthday party for her husband at a favorite Chinese restaurant. As they drove away from their home, the husband suggested, “Let’s go out for Mexican food.” His wife calmly said, “I’d really prefer Chinese food tonight.” The husband came back, “No, I really want a big enchilada!” They went back and forth. It became obvious to the wife that he’d chosen to be demanding, unreasonable, and interested only in his own food cravings.
Finally, she screamed in frustration, “You dope! I have a surprise party planned for you at the Chinese restaurant. We have to go there!” To her even greater frustration, he burst out laughing, which made her even madder. He laughed so hard that it took him five minutes for him to tell her that he’d planned a surprise party for her—at the Mexican restaurant.
That story shows how vital good communication is for healthy relationships. Before she knew the truth, she thought he was being obstinate and selfish. I’m sure he thought the same thing about her. Yet actually both of them weren’t motivated by selfishness, but by love. Each was seeking to please his or her mate. While their short-lived communication breakdown was humorous, it’s not always so funny. Communication problems are a major factor in marital breakups. Communication problems are a major factor in church breakdowns between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Let me ask you two questions – Do you remember one of the kindest, most encouraging, affirming things that’s ever been said to you?
Do you remember one of the cruelest things that’s ever been said to you?
Which was easier to remember? For most of us, it’s the harsh. It doesn’t just happen in the past. In our graceless world, it’s a continual experience. We can easily bring up negative audio files. Its why today’s message is so important. We need those places where our inner spaces are refilled with words of God’s grace. As a church family, we’re His messengers.
1 Peter 3:8-12 unpacks for us how to communicate in a godly, gracious way. Just as we’re loved by God, we’re to love each other. That means that like a healthy married couple, we’re to speak lovingly to each other. So, turn to 1 Peter 3:8-12 (p. 954). “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
Can you sing? Would you want to be on our worship team? How about teaching? Can you bake? What about reading Scripture in the service or leading in prayer? Can you work with children? Teens? Are you good at repairing things? How about meeting new people? Yet, there’s one thing we all do and can do – talk! Christlike speech is The building tool we all have. Everychurch family desperately needs consistent Christlike conversations.
In the context, Peter deals with how Christians are to live as exiles in a difficult world (1 Peter 2:11-12). His readers were suffering, so he offers practical help for the difficult relationships we all struggle with in this troubled world. Christlike conversations are to mark us as distinct and provide a powerful witness to a vile world. Our passage shows us how to talk in a Christ-honoring way with each other. Godly communication demands that we repent of evil and turn to Christ in our walk and words.
Each of us has a two-ounce muscle in our mouths that can be a source of blessing or blasting. Our Lord wants us to use it as a tool to build up His family. How do we use our tongues to help our church be a healthy place?
The words of the prophet Isaiah need to be our prayer: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” Isaiah knew he needed God to intervene or his mouth was a mess. Do you remember God’s response to Isaiah’s confession? He sent an angel with a live coal in his hand taken from the altar. “Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for” (Isaiah 6:5-7).
So, before we dig into our message, let’s pause and ask God to do the same for us at Grace. (Prayer) If you’re taking notes…
1.A gospel transformed heart is essential to godly communication. Edwin Louis Cole (picture) said, “All good communication in life must begin with communication with God.” A new tongue starts with a new heart. You won’t talk right to your brothers and sisters until you have a new Father. It all begins with the gospel. It all begins with Jesus as the Lord of your life.
What kind of behavior is conducive to godly communication? Verse 8 gives us five qualities that promote godly relationships and communication.
Harmonious. “Unity of mind.” We must have a mindset that desires to please God by obeying His Word. If two people share that desire, they still may have some serious differences to work through, yet it provides a common ground to work toward resolution of conflicts. A harmonious person isn’t self-willed, demanding their own way and judging those who don’t go along with them. They accept others as Christ accepts them. They know the difference between biblical absolutes, which must not be compromised and grey areas where there’s room for differences. They give others time to grow, realizing growth is a process.
We all have different backgrounds, personalities, and ways of thinking. The only way to have a harmonious church is for each of us to be committed to pleasing God. When someone isn’t committed to the daily, lifelong process of obeying God and dying to self, they won’t be growing in being harmonious and there will be constant conflict.
Sympathetic. As our Savior sympathizes with our weaknesses, we’re to be affected by what others feel. We’re to let others’ sufferings touch us. We’re to be sensitive in how we’d feel if we were in their place. We should do all we can to make them feel safe and loved. Part of biblical communication is learning to listen, conveying that you understand and care.
Family Love. “brotherly love” The Greek word is philadelphoi. It points to the fact that believers are members of the same family. Your wife is not just your wife; she’s your sister in Christ. Your believing children are your brothers and sisters in Christ. Every believer is a spiritual sibling.
Someone wisely observed we should treat our family members like we treat guests and treat our guests like family. That comment acknowledges that we’re often rude or inconsiderate with family. We say things to them we’d never say even to a complete stranger. Learning to treat our church family lovingly helps us instill the habit of gracious verbal communication.
Kindhearted. “Tenderhearted.” The root word is “compassion.” It means to have deep, “gut feelings” for the other person. It has a deep emotional element. Christian words are to go beyond cold duty. Others should sense that we genuinely care for them. If they sense our tender concern, it opens the door for healthy verbal communication.
Humble. Jesus described Himself as “lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). Pagan writers saw this as a weakness, but Christians elevated it to a virtue. Today many Christians have reverted to the pagan view suggesting that you need greater self-esteem in order to love others. But the Bible teaches that esteeming ourselves more than we esteem others is the root of our conflicts.
Paul helped the Philippian church work through conflicts and wrote in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”
Harmonious relationships require that we lower our estimate of ourselves. High regard for myself causes me to refuse to admit my wrongs, to get angry when I’m challenged and reject correction. The Bible never teaches us to “grow in self-esteem,” it urges us to “grow in humility.” Do you have conflicts with other believers? Where’s your focus? On them or yourself?
2. What should our conversations be about as brothers and sisters in Christ? Speaking is one of the most important things we do. With our words we promise, inform, direct, comfort, persuade, and correct. With them we display our love, show our desires, picture our hopes, share our worries. With our words, people hear what we believe is most important. Some ways of talking come easy. The gospel is unnatural. Speaking as those who have believed the gospel is a uniquely Christian way of talking. Let me suggest what our spiritual siblings should hear because we’re Christ-followers.
We need to continually talk about that our God is in control. Last week Jane and I heard Maryam Rostampour share her testimony. Maryam is an Iranian believer. She, along with her friend, Marziyeh Amirizadeh (picture), spent a harrowing eight months in one of Iran’s most notorious prisons because of their faith. Born and raised as Muslims, both women came to Christ. It’s illegal to have a copy of the Bible in Iran and it can get you executed. Sensing a call from God, Marziyeh and Maryam spent several years in Tehran passing out over 20,000 Bibles and talking to others about Jesus. They were arrested for promoting Christianity and ordered to renounce their faith or face execution. Refusing to turn from Christ, they spent almost a year in the women’s ward of Evin Prison, where they saw the harshness of Islamic law, yet also found hearts that were open to the hope of Jesus. After international pressure from human rights groups, they were released in November 2009. There is only one way that you can do what they did – you’re focused on Kingdom, not government.
Do you know why most American Christians talk about government so much? Because we really don’t believe God is in control. In 100 years, all of the political stuff we talk about today won’t matter. But it will matter whether our family and friends are in heaven or hell.
How many of you are going to watch the Bears/Packer (picture) game today? Do you believe that God could stop that game from ever happening with a snap of His fingers? On Tuesday, October 17, 1989, baseball fans expected nothing more than a big game between the Oakland Athletics and San Francisco Giants when a terrible disaster struck. A major earthquake hit at 5:04 p.m. It was a 6.9 earthquake, immortalizing that World Series as the “Earthquake Series” (picture). Though the stadium did okay, the damage across the San Francisco area was enormous. Numerous buildings collapsed. 67 people were killed, including 41 who died in the collapse of the Nimitz Expressway. 3,757 were injured along with $5 billion worth of damage.
If you don’t believe that God could make Soldier Field disappear into Lake Michigan in the middle of the game today, you don’t know how powerful God is. I don’t think He will, but I do know He can. Our God is in control of Iran and DC and Covid and my life and your life. But the message that we hear 24/7 is that this world is out of control, yet the message we need to remind our brothers and sisters of is that “Daddy’s got it!” Our family and friends don’t need to hear about our politics. They need to hear about our King! We need to continually talk about that our God is in control.
We need to continually talk about spiritual growth. A week ago, my family had our 1st reunion in some 40 years. I haven’t seen some of my nieces for years. Gracen is now a teenager (picture). She’s gotten so big! Most of us don’t see the spiritual growth taking place in our lives. We need our brothers and sisters to speak into our lives, “You’ve gotten so big!” to encourage us!
Read Paul’s letters and notice how many times he affirms and encourages them for their spiritual growth. It’s my constant joy as your pastor to see how “big” spiritually many of you are becoming.
We need to continually talk about prayer and pray with and for each other. Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Praying for each other is a powerful way for us to bear each other’s burdens. Prayer unites us as Christ’s family.
As we talked via Facebook and prayed with our son, Aaron, and his wife, Jiayu, Aaron quipped that it was minor surgery. Then, he repeated what I’ll say when someone says it’s minor surgery. “Every surgery is major surgery if it’s my surgery.” What a comfort to know that though Aaron was 7500 miles away, our brothers and sisters here at Grace were praying for our son.
Praying for each other removes our isolation. When we share our pain, it invites others into the sacred space of our heart. When we hear the heart of someone we love, the reflex should be to take those concerns to God in prayer. When we pray for someone, it draws us closer in relationships. Praying together and for each other points us to the Father. In the valleys of life, there’s nothing so welcome as the prayer of a spiritual sibling directing us back to our loving Father.
We need to continually talk about what God is doing and share testimonies. Jane and I are avid review readers. We hardly ever go to a restaurant without reading a review. Before I watch a movie, I read reviews. And I leave reviews, especially if I get good service.
Last summer we had our inground pool removed and this past week we had a new concrete deck poured. Greg Capoun from Set in Stone did the work. He poured the floor and driveway for our church’s garage. But before we hired him here at church, we checked his references.
When you share what God is doing in your life, how even when you go through deep waters, He’s still there for you, you’re leaving a public review for God. It encourages us. Because if you can trust God, maybe we can too?
Our church desperately needs to hear more of how God is working in our lives and not just from the pastor. When you share what God is doing in your life and how you’re trusting Him even when you go through deep waters, it’s like posting a great review for God on Google.
Recently, some of you went to hear Casting Crowns (picture). One song that’s comforted me is, I will praise You in this storm. Let me share part of it:
I was sure by now
God, you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen,” and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I’ll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.
That’s power! That’s a testimony! Like Paul and Silas singing in prison after being falsely accused and beaten, it’s an earthquake of God’s power!
We need to continually talk with compassion with each other. Compassion means to suffer with another person. The word has a strong personal element. To have compassion is more than feeling sorry for someone. It means to get down with them and suffer with them in their pain.
Compassion is more than just a feeling. It’s more than feeling sorry for people in trouble. Biblical compassion means that you see the problem, you’re moved by the need, you go out to where the problem is, and you get your hands dirty trying to help one person after another get their problems solved and raise them up to a higher level of life.
Compassion is not something you talk about. Compassion is something you do. If we want our world to be changed, we must get involved.
Compassionate Christians are empathetic. A little girl was late coming home for dinner. Asked by her dad why she was late, she said she’d met a boy who’d dropped a bottle of milk on his way home from the store. “So, you stayed to help him clean it up?” asked her Dad. “No,” she said, “I stayed to help him cry till he got the courage to go home.”
A key to compassion is that we must really listen. Look at the example of Jesus. Watch how He sits and listens to people in their pain. You can’t always recover spilt milk or solve people’s problems, but you can be “Jesus with them.” Find someone who needs that empathetic presence this week. Let someone know, you feel with and for them.
Many of us want to show more compassion, but we don’t know where to begin. There are people in your life who need the help only you can give. Some of them need a word of encouragement. You’re the only one who can give them that word. Some are staggering beneath a heavy load. You’re the only one who can help lift that burden. Some may be about to quit. You’re the one who can help them persevere. They’re all around you. Our problem is that we don’t see them. So, pray that God will give you Jesus’ eyes to see them. Look for needs in the lives of your brothers and sisters. Look for needs in the lives of those God has brought around you.
We need to give limited admonishment. Social media amazes me. People who don’t know each other and will never meet, blast each other.
The Bible teaches that as brothers and sisters, we’re responsible to each other. There are times when a brother or sister is in spiritual danger and we’re responsible for admonishing them. Our words of correction can be very sweet—the very thing God uses to revive the faith of a wandering saint. But if we’re not careful, our words can be unhelpful and hurtful. We need wisdom to know when to correct and when to overlook. Jesus taught us to correct one another in love. He understood the danger of unrepentant sin.
This is vital – biblical correction must be “biblical.” It doesn’t matter if others don’t do things the way we’d do them or live up to our standards. The question is: Are they heeding God’s standards? Job’s friends assumed that Job had sinned. They were wrong. Their misguided assumptions frustrated Job and angered God.
We need to look to see if a pattern of sin has developed. Each of us sin and fall short of God’s standard daily. If we corrected each other every time we sinned, there wouldn’t be time to do anything else but admonish each other.
Unless the sin is very public or hurts the cause of Christ, the Bible teaches that we should let it go. Pray for them and let God work in their hearts.
Generally speaking, you should correct a brother or sister when you see a pattern of sin that causes others to wonder if they really are a born-again Christian. If we love our brothers and sisters, we’ll graciously point out sin. Remaining silent in the face of ongoing rebellion against God is like piling wood in the arms of a man standing in the middle of a burning house. When someone is in spiritual danger, we need to lovingly speak to them privately.
We need to continually confess when we sin against each other. If these words are a part of your marriage, I can almost guarantee that you have a healthy marriage – “I was wrong. Please forgive me.” Those same words are vital to a healthy church family. James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
But we usually ignore this verse. We’re uncomfortable with what it says and unsure what to do with it.
James 5:16 has two relational instructions. It tells us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. Most of us understand we’re to pray for each other. We hear of someone’s need and pray for them.
But what does confess your sins to each other look like? Does it mean, each week, we stand in front of the congregation and confess all our sins publicly? Does it mean we need a confessional booth, like they have in Catholic churches? No. Confession simply means to openly agree about a matter.
What does it mean to confess your sin? To confess your sin is to agree you’ve done wrong before God. Confessing your sin is to see your behavior the way God sees it. No sugar coating or excuses. You agree with God that you sinned and fell short of His standard of how you should live.
Confession should be as public as the sin is. There are some sins that are sins of the heart and only need to be confessed to God. Some are against another person and must be confessed to that person. Some are public and need to be confessed publicly.
Confession makes relational healing possible. Many of you, like me, have been in churches where people hung onto wounds for years. The church wasn’t a place of healing. It was a place of hurt and bitterness. It’s why we must embrace the power of forgiveness. You’ve been forgiven your great sin debt by God; therefore, you must forgive your brothers and sisters in Christ.
We must be a place of healing. A place of healing is a place of truth. A place of healing is gospel centered. A place of healing seeks inward change rather than outward conformity. A place of healing is a place full of grace. Confession is an element in a place of healing.
Let’s be known for bringing healing to hearts. Let’s be known for seeing marriages and families healed. Let’s be known for seeing relationships restored. Let’s be known for being gospel-centered because the gospel is about grace and forgiveness.
Conclusion: Recently, I read a story about a woman who was to undergo a risky brain surgery. Doctors prepared her for the worst, because in all likelihood, this invasive procedure would destroy her ability to speak.
When asked how she was doing, she responded, “You know, since I can count the number of sentences I have left to say, I’ve become really picky with my words.” That’s wisdom for all of us.
We live in a world flooded with words. Digital communication has exponentially increased the ease, avenues, and audience for our words. The ability to express ourselves can enrich our lives. Yet, when our language is unrestrained and sinful, our words are meaningless and damaging.
God has given us a tongue to use as a building tool to be used wisely and for His glory. We want to overflow with gracious, Christlike family talk.
Sometimes the best way to learn something is to see it modeled. We’re blessed at Grace to have eight individuals who model godly communication: Mike & Joann Wiemer, Bob & Tina Eck, Steve & Kim Emond and Mark & Denise Hutton (pictures) – our Deacons and their wives. These folk love the Lord, love you and live out these truths. Watch them, listen to them and you will see this godly building tool in action. They’re not perfect but are all seeking to live in a way that pleases the Lord!
Godly relationships and godly communication are vital! Scripture teaches that loving one another is the second greatest commandment.
Some years ago, Dr. Bernadine Healy (picture) wrote: As a physician who has been deeply privileged to share the most profound moments of people’s lives, including their final moments, let me tell you a secret. People facing death don’t think about what degrees they have earned, what positions they have held or how much wealth they have accumulated.
At the end, what really matters—and is a good measure of a past life—is who you loved and who loved you. The circle of love is everything.
She was right! Godly relationships are built on godly communication. If we all would apply 1 Peter 3:8-12 to our relationships, our homes and our church would experience God’s blessing. We would sense His pleasure because we are talking in a way that pleases Him!
So will you do it? Will you use the tool that God has placed in your mouth for His glory, to be a blessing to your brothers and sisters here at Grace? Can we count on you?