Kindness and politeness are not overrated at all. They’re underused. – Tommy Lee Jones

“Let them eat cake.” It’s gone down in history as the most out-of-touch quote of all time — one that emblematized the last queen of France’s disregard for her own people. There’s one problem: Marie Antoinette never said it. It’s an urban legend. It was Jean-Jacques Rousseau who wrote it in his autobiographical book, Confessions: “At length I remembered the last resort of a great princess who, when told that the peasants had no bread, replied: ‘Then let them eat brioches.’” He wrote those words in 1765 but in 1765, Marie Antoinette was a child and hadn’t stepped in France, the country she helped rule from 1774 until the horrible French Revolution. France’s monarchy was abolished in 1792, the year before her execution. 

What Marie Antoinette really did say, after accidentally stepping on her executioner’s foot and which were her last words, were much more polite than the quote often attributed to her: “Pardon me, sir, I did not do it on purpose.” That’s class! It shined through even in the face of being executed on the guillotine wrongly and innocently. 

As Christ-followers, we too are to act classy and more important royally. Not pompous bluebloods, the Bible teaches we are royalty in Jesus’ kingdom (Revelation 1:6). King Jesus currently sits on the throne, yet often we act like common pagans. It’s not the way we’re supposed to act. 

Over the years I’ve found it ironic that after attending a large Christian event or concert, as everyone heads home – there is little difference in the way Christians rush out of a parking lot and the way pagans rush out of a parking lot. It’s a lot like attempting to change lanes in Chicago rush hour. Your exit is coming up or there’s road construction and you must change lanes. You’re nearly praying that someone will let you in. 

It’s not the big things that should distinguish Christ-followers. No one should be surprised that we are people of integrity, hard workers, faithful to our spouses, love our children, and are good neighbors and citizens. That should be the norm for Christ-followers. In a world that has moved further away from a Judeo-Christian ethic with it comes increasing violence. Rudeness is one of the early symptoms of a Christless culture.  

Maya Angelou was on to something: “When you know you are of worth, you don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t have to become rude, you don’t have to become vulgar; you just are. And you are like the sky is, as the air is, the same way water is wet. It doesn’t have to protest.” Christ-followers know that they are of worth because they’re part of God’s forever family and Kingdom. They’re royalty.

Unfortunately, rude behavior is all around us. It’s things like talking loudly on the phone in public or just having your nose in your phone not paying attention to others when you’re shopping. It’s cutting in line or letting your children run wild in a public place like a store. It’s prioritizing one’s own comfort over the well-being of those around us. It’s using obscenities or inappropriate language too often in public settings. It’s making unnecessary noise in places like libraries or movie theaters. 

When early believers like Stephen, Paul or Peter were attacked by hostile crowds, they responded calmly and with politeness. While a pagan world teaches to return fire for fire, that’s not for us. Politeness and graciousness can calm even enraged mobs, as Paul did in the book of Acts.

Good manners begin in our closest circles. 

Most of us would never talk to a stranger the way we habitually talk to our spouse or children. Familiarity can breed incivility. Simple words like please and thank you are like oil in an engine, helping to keep things running smoothly. Talking in a reasonable tone (not yelling), listening, making eye contact, engaging in conversation are relationship builders. Listen to great communicators. They talk slowly and use their words judiciously. 

Being rude when you’re treated rudely is the wrong response for a Christ-follower (though it’s tempting). It is a whole lot easier to be courteous when you admit to yourself and others that without the grace of God, you would be just like them. The only difference between us and them is Jesus and His indwelling Spirit. 

That means you can’t treat a bad politician with disrespect because you know that without Christ you’d be the same kind of politician. You can’t look down your nose at an addict because you know that without Christ you could be one. You can’t be judgmental of anyone knowing that you’d be just as sinful without the grace of God. 

Honest admission of who you were, and what you’d be without Christ is the bedrock of Christian courtesy. If you can’t be courteous to someone, it’s because you’ve not let the Spirit magnify God’s grace in your life. The more you’re aware of what you are only by His grace, the more you’ll be courteous to everyone. Christianity isn’t a way of doing special things. It’s a special way of doing everything for His glory (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Chuck Swindoll shared that he had to learn the power of courtesy from another believer. Dr. Bruce Waltke, a Semitic scholar, and he, with two other pastors, were visiting a large Christian Science Church in downtown Boston. The guide was a woman, and she had no idea they were evangelical pastors.  At one point she stated Christian Scientists didn’t believe in judgment.  Dr. Waltke replied, “But madam, doesn’t the Bible say it is appointed on to men once to die but after this the judgment?” The lady didn’t respond, but said, “Would you like to see the second floor?” 

Chuck was saying to himself, “Go for it Bruce.  Now you got her.” But Dr. Waltke said, “We surely would.  Thank you.” She sighed with relief, and they followed her. Chuck couldn’t believe it. Later he wanted to know why Waltke didn’t nail her.  Dr. Waltke said, “It would not have been very loving now, would it?”  Chuck was rebuked and never forgot the lesson. If you’re not courteous to other people, why should they care what you think? Later Dr. Waltke had 20 minutes to share Christ with this woman. A chance he never would have gotten, had he not been polite. 

A homeless man was starving so he stopped by a quiet English village inn with the classic name, Inn Of St. George And The Dragon. “Please madam,” He asked the woman who came to the door, “Can you spare me a bite to eat.” “A bite to eat,” she growled, “For a sorry no-good bum, a foul-smelling beggar? No!” she snapped, slamming the door. He started to walk away but noticed the sign “St. George and the Dragon.” So, he went back and knocked again. “Now what do you want?” The woman asked angrily.  “Well, ma’am, if St. George is in, may I speak to him this time?”

So, are you a dragon or a saint? Too often we act like dragons when every believer is a saint. The question is: Do we act saintly?