Scripture: John 2:18-22
Sermon Series: Stormproof – Sermon 04

I think Ralph Waldo Emerson was wrong. He said, To be great is to be misunderstood. It often hurts to be misunderstood.  Have you ever heard the “stolen cookie story.” It actually happened to a Brit, Douglas Adams. Here’s his story:

I had gone to catch a train. It was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I’d gotten the time of the train wrong, so I went to get a newspaper to do the crossword, a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies.

I went and sat at a table. So, I want you to picture the scene. It’s very important you get this very clear in your mind. Here’s the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, a packet of cookies. There’s a guy sitting opposite me, a perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase. It didn’t look like he was going to do anything weird. But he suddenly leaned across the table, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.

Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There’s nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies. In the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. I stared at my newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do the crossword but couldn’t do anything, and thought, What am I going to do? In the end I thought Nothing. I’ll just have to go for it. I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadn’t because a moment or two later, he did it again. He took another cookie. Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. We went through the whole packet like this.

When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. We exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment later my train came in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up my newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies. I had been eating his cookies, and he shared them with me without ever saying a word.” Now that’s a misunderstanding!

All of us have been misunderstood at one time or the other. I’m sure you can think of a few experiences where you were misunderstood. It hurt. The memory is not a happy one. It can be one of our most frustrating experiences.  You’re blessed if you have a spouse or a close friend who understands you and works through any misunderstandings that you might have.

We’re continuing our study: Stormproof and working through what it means to be Misunderstood. If you’re misunderstood, you’re in good company, Jesus was. John 2:18-22 (p. 834), “So the Jews said to Him, ‘What sign do you show us for doing these things?’ Jesus answered them, ‘Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.’ The Jews then said, ‘It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and will you raise it up in three days?’ But [Jesus] was speaking about the temple of His body. When therefore He was raised from the dead, His disciples remembered that He had said this, and they believed the Scripture and the word that Jesus had spoken.” It’s one of many occasions when our Lord was misunderstood.

Are you guilty of assumicide? Are you a victim of assumicide? It’s what happens when we make false assumptions about others, portraying them in the worst possible light…or we’re portrayed in the worst possible light.

We’re so prone to be suspicious. When we’re offended or hurt, we begin to look for evidence that someone did us wrong. Assumicide damages relationships because we end up believing the worst about someone. We’re guilty of drawing the wrong conclusions with tiny bits of evidence: *He didn’t call back. He must not want to talk to me. *I think she’s ignoring me. *They never hire people like me. *How could he be a Christian and act like that? *I’ll bet they’re sleeping together. *He’s probably a jerk at home too. *You can’t trust someone who dresses like that.  

If you’re the victim of assumicide, it’s nearly impossible to fight back. Few things hurt more than being misunderstood by those we care about. The closer they are, the greater the pain. When it happens, we discover a lot about ourselves. How we respond when we’ve been misunderstood tells a great deal about our walk with the Lord and the depth of our faith. Today we want to work through this painful problem, Misunderstood.

1. What do we know about being misunderstood? 

A couple of hunters were in the woods when one of them fell to the ground. He didn’t seem to be breathing. His eyes rolled back in his head. Terrified, his friend whips out his phone and dials 9-1-1. “My friend is dead! What can I do?!” In a calm, soothing voice, the operator says, “Sir, just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a moment of silence; a single shot rings out—BLAM! The hunter’s voice comes back on the line: “Okay, now what?”

Misunderstandings can be a tremendous source of comedy. Remember Abbott and Costello and their classic routine Who’s On First? Comedy can come from a simple misunderstanding. Think of your favorite TV comedy, from Seinfeld or The Office. Some of your favorite episodes are built around misunderstandings. But that’s comedy. In real life, it hurts to be misunderstood. So, how do misunderstandings happen?

Usually, an innocent word or act or implication causes a misunderstanding. What makes it so painful is that you can innocently say or do something or even just imply something that’s mistakenly interpreted.

An offense is created as a result. Sometimes we have conversations in our mind and act as the attorney, judge and jury. Have you heard the story about a salesman on a rainy night? One dark rainy night this salesman had a flat tire on a desolate road. To make matters worse, he didn’t have a lug wrench. Seeing a nearby farmhouse, he sets out on foot. Surely the farmer would have a lug wrench, he thought. But would he even come to the door? If he did, he’d probably be furious at being bothered. He’d yell, “What’s the big idea of getting me out of bed in the middle of the night?” This thought made the salesman angry. “Why, that farmer is a selfish old clod for refusing to help me.” Finally, the salesman reached the house. Frustrated and drenched, he banged on the door. “Who’s there?” a voice called out from a window overhead. “You know good and well who it is,” yelled the salesman, his face red with anger. “It’s me! And you can keep your old lug wrench! I wouldn’t borrow it if it was the last one in the county.” He created an offense in his own head. Most of us have done it. I know I have.

Sadly, that kind of thing happens a lot, even to Christians. And if it’s known you’re a Christian, someone offended may pile that on with their accusations.

You may experience a measure of persecution. It might come from an innocent word or act. You honestly didn’t mean anything, but it was misread, an offense is born. It happens in what are dubbed “microaggressions.”

If it’s any comfort to you, it’s been happening since Adam and Eve were evicted from the Garden. It seems to happen more to the people of God because of our mission and love for Jesus. We actually care what people think, or we should. God uses it as part of our spiritual growth process. You won’t mature spiritually without sometimes being misunderstood. It’s painful when our words, actions or our motives are challenged, and we’re innocent.

Committed Christ-followers don’t usually intentionally hurt someone. How many times have we purposely hurt someone? If the answer is “never” or “almost never,” then why do we so readily assume someone purposely tried to hurt us? Committed Christians don’t set out to intentionally hurt others. Yes, there are evil people and some mean ones. But most of the rotten things done to us are because of insensitivity, self-absorption, or ignorance.

In marriage counseling, I’ve come to the conclusion that a major blind spot for many husbands isn’t selfishness or meanness, it’s cluelessness. Men can be clueless about what their wife needs and how to meet those needs.

If it’s true that we never, or almost never, set out to hurt other people, why do we immediately assume someone is seeking to hurt us? It makes no sense. Why don’t we first ask, “I wonder what is going on in that person’s life that could cause them to behave that way?” Or “I wonder what I don’t know that might explain that decision?” Or even, “I wonder how I come across that would generate that sort of reaction?” Yet, we’re all sinners who’d rather blame than understand but at the same time, we frequently seek self-justification and rationalization for our own feelings and actions.

2. God’s people are often misunderstood.

It can happen to anyone, no matter how innocent. It happened to John Bunyan, author of Pilgrim’s Progress. One Friday, in February 1674, a farmer’s daughter, Anne Beaumont, wanted to go to a nearby town to hear Bunyan preach. Apparently, she’d been offered a ride by someone who failed to show up. It was impossible for her to walk because of the weather and local flooding.

Just then Bunyan himself arrives, passing through on a horse. She stops him and although he didn’t want to give her a ride on his horse at first, he consents to do so. Her father who despised Bunyan and his preaching had initially refused permission for his daughter to go, but she insisted that she must obey God rather than men, so she went. When Anne returned with another woman, her father wouldn’t let her in the house. She had to sleep in the barn for several nights. Eventually they reconciled, but within a few days her father died. A rumor began to spread that Anne had been seen riding with Bunyan on his horse and now her father was dead. The funeral was delayed pending an inquiry. Though medical science was crude in 1674, her father’s death was declared to be “of natural causes.” But that rumor of his doing something improper hounded Bunyan the rest of his life. In his book, Grace Abounding in 1688 fourteen years later, Bunyan wrote: I bind these lies and slanders to me as an ornament; it belongs to my Christian profession to be vilified, slandered, reproached, and reviled.

Jesus was misunderstood many times. He was frequently misunderstood by His family, neighbors, the disciples and crowds. He was even misunderstood as He was crucified. At the crucifixion bystanders heard Jesus cry out words from a psalm, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? and thought He was calling for the prophet Elijah to come save Him. 

Moses was misunderstood by the Israelites, who accused him of bringing them out of Egypt where they had been slaves to die in the wilderness.   Hannah, Samuel’s mother was misunderstood. She was praying and Eli the High Priest thought that she was drunk. Paul was misunderstood by pagans who thought he was some god and then by fellow believers in Corinth in the church that he planted. They thought he was lying and pulling a fast one.

As Christ-followers, we know nothing happens by chance. We can learn from everything God allows us to go through. As time passes, we may see that being misunderstood was allowed to happen and was used by God to make us more like Jesus. God will allow us to be misunderstood so we’re able to serve Him better. He allows us to be misjudged so we know how it feels and are careful to assume the best of others and not be quick to judge. But when we’re misunderstood, it can be painful. We’re tempted to withdraw from people and relationships. We’re wary about new friendships.  

As we run to the Lord with our heartaches, He provides the strength to persevere and mature spiritually. Elisabeth Elliot wonderfully said, “To be a follower of the Crucified Christ means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss.”

3. There are painful parts of being misunderstood.

David was misunderstood by King Saul who thought David was after his throne. Most Old Testament scholars believe Psalm 140 was written by David as a result of being misunderstood by King Saul. As you read the psalm, you realize David is on the run. He’s being hunted and haunted by a madman.

Being misunderstood is always painful, being misunderstood by Saul was miserable. In Psalm 140 we see a pattern that gives us much-needed wisdom to lean on the next time we’re misunderstood.

There’s a sense of vulnerability. Verse 1, Deliver me, O Lord…preserve me from violent men. Those are the words of a vulnerable person. David is defenseless and unprotected. Vulnerability is the first expression of this misery. Being misunderstood invariably catches you off guard, you stumble into it inadvertently.

Then comes the next step, there is exaggeration. Remember when Saul heard the women’s song and they’d given David credit for taking out 10,000. Saul panics that David will steal his kingdom. When people misunderstand you, they exaggerate things in their minds. Imaginations run wild.

Look how exaggeration affected David’s enemies; they devised evil: [They] plan evil things in their heart and stir up wars continually (Psalm 140:2). Isn’t that vivid! When you’re the object of a misunderstanding, you can see how it starts with a slight misunderstanding but builds up to where that person begins to believe anything, even out and out lies about you.

Consider a jealous spouse. Their spouse is running late from work or some event. Perhaps they said that they’d be home at a certain time. When they come home much later but with a factual story on how they were delayed, the waiting spouse isn’t sure they believe them. They’re suspicious, which fuels their imagination. They may begin to probe further with questions that are incredibly wild and uncalled for.

The third step is in Psalm 140:3, They make their tongue sharp as a serpent’s, and under their lips is the venom of asps. People not only entertain misunderstandings in their hearts, but they share it with others and speak it out loud.They punctuate it in someone else’s mind, who now says, “Oh, I never knew that. It all makes sense. Do you know what else I heard?” To make it a bit juicier, they’ll add a little, stretch it a tad to make the story more exciting. Before long they’re loving it. Meanwhile, you sit alone at home. You’re not praying, you’re fretting, “Lord, what else are they saying?” as you bite your nails.  

Now we know why James says the tongue is an organ that can control us. David said, under their lips is the venom of asps. They say that no animal’s tongue moves faster than a snake. They’re sometimes called “treble tongued.” Their tongues move so fast, they actually look like they have three tongues at once.

The only muscle that you need to destroy someone’s reputation is hidden inside your mouth. You can destroy a life with your tongue. 

I read a case in which a woman’s suicide note simply said: “They said….” She never finished. Something “they said,” killed her.

4. There is the greatest misunderstanding.

A woman was trying to get ketchup out of a bottle, so she’s banging it on the counter. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter, Amanda, to answer it. Kids see the world differently sometimes. Amanda answered the phone obediently, Hello, this is Amanda. Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.

Jesus was misunderstood when He walked this earth and He’s still a Savior that’s misunderstood. How do people misunderstand Jesus and His mission?

They misunderstand the nature of salvation. Often, people come to Jesus simply to help them with the problems they’re facing rather than seeking the salvation He came to bring. The Jews thought Jesus came to deliver them from Rome, but Jesus came to deliver them from their greatest problem – sin.

It’s not that different today. Many think Jesus is the answer to their financial hardships, marital difficulties or health problems. They think He’s the answer to all their struggles. And Jesus does help us with our struggles. But the kind of rescue He brings is so much more. He rescues us from our sin because it’s our main problem. He came to save us from our sin and guilt.

Each of us stands guilty and condemned before God. Jesus took all of our guilt and condemnation on Himself when He died on the cross. He was our substitute and suffered the penalty we deserved. Because He did, we can be cleansed from all of our sin and brought into a right relationship with God. The only thing we must do is turn to Him and trust in Him to rescue us.

They misunderstand their need for salvation.Many underestimate how desperately they need salvation. They view themselves as being not all that bad. Sure, they make mistakes and do some things wrong, but overall, they’re not that bad. Because they see themselves that way, they think they just need Jesus to make them a little bit better.

Let’s say you must get an “A+” to go to heaven. Many view themselves as a “B plus, or a “C.” They think they just need Jesus to help them get a little bit better so they can be fit for heaven. According to the Bible, each of us is actually an “F.” It’s not just our external behavior, it’s our heart. Our hearts are thoroughly contaminated by sin. Romans 3:10, There is no one righteous, not even one.

When we come to Jesus, we can’t come to Him with the idea we need Him to take our goodness up a few notches. We must come with a humble understanding that we don’t have anything to offer Him. He must take our “F” and give us His “A+.” The only way we’ll ever be righteous and fit for heaven is if He gives us His righteousness. We don’t have any righteousness. Thankfully, He gives us His and if we ask Him, we’ll receive it.  

They misunderstand the terms of salvation. Many people have an open view of their homes. They leave doors unlocked. If friends drop by, they don’t have to knock…they can just walk in. But they don’t generally invite people into their bedroom. It’s personal space. They don’t expect guests to start rearranging their furniture or changing around the decorations.

While that may be an appropriate way of viewing people who come over to your house, a lot of people try to take that approach when they invite Jesus into their lives. They tell Him He can come in, but they put big limits on what they’ll allow Him to do. But that’s not the way it works or what it means to be a Christ-follower. Jesus doesn’t just want to come in as a guest. He wants all of you. He wants the keys to the house, the deed and total permission to transform everything. Those are His terms of salvation. It’s what He meant when He said, Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life (John 12:25). Jesus doesn’t want part of our life; He wants it all. He must be Lord of all or He’s not Lord at all. The greatest misunderstanding is what it means to be born-again, forgiven, and part of God’s forever family.

Conclusion

Circling back to Psalm 140. What do you say when you’re misunderstood? Here’s what David did: I say to the Lord, You are my God (Psalm 140:6). Notice David said this to the Lord. I suggest that you say it, not just think it. We need to verbalize our faith and allegiance to God. There are times we need to say, “Lord, You’re mine. I count on You right now.”

In a 2013 interview, Oscar-winning actor Jeff Bridges was asked to identify his worst character defect. Bridges said:“Not loving enough… Not having enough compassion, empathy, wisdom. My wife and I have been married for 36 years. I’m deeply in love with her, but every once in a while we’ll get into what I like to refer to as our ‘deep, ancient battle.’ It’s always very elusive, and it’s hard to find the real kernel of it, but basically it is about this: ‘You don’t get it. You don’t get what it is like to be me.’ Neither of us really understands what it’s like to be that other person.” 

It always hurts to be misunderstood, yet God always understands. He knows the truth. He knows your heart. He knows what it’s like to be you because He made you and because, in Jesus, God became a fully human person. Don’t let misunderstandings hinder your faith in Christ or your pursuit of him.

Let’s end with some suggestions on how to biblically handle misunderstandings. No one enjoys it. Too often we react rather than respond. God has good for us in it even when we’ve been misunderstood. Some take-home truths…

It’s an opportunity to ask God to help you respond in humility and to seek peace with the one who has misunderstood you. Even if the situation is never cleared up, it’s an opportunity to lean into God and allow Him to work in you with a heart of humility, one that will show grace to those who have misjudged you.

It’s an opportunity to ask God to show you if there is anything that you are doing that might have contributed to the misunderstanding and to show you if you should do anything to clarify your side of the story. 

It’s an opportunity to be reminded that you always want to assume the best of others. You never want to judge or assume the worst of anyone, especially another member of the body of Christ. You don’t want to make another person feel the way you’ve been made to feel! 

Even in the hurt though find biblical joy by focusing on the God who loves you and has allowed this pain and misunderstanding. He’s the God who sees all of it. He sees you. He knows your heart and motives. Ask Him to make it clear how He wants you to deal with being misunderstood, to help you respond humbly and to show love and grace to those who assumed the worst of you. Ask Him to help you to love others the way that He has loved you.