Scripture: Romans 14:1-23
Sermon Series: One Another – Doing Church Life Together – Sermon 10
A woman was waiting at an airport one night with several long hours before her flight departed. She hunted for a book in an airport shop, bought a bag of cookies and found a place to sit and wait. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see that the man sitting next to her, as bold as could be, grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between them. She tried to ignore it to avoid a scene. So, she munched the cookies and watched the clock, as the gutsy cookie thief continued to diminish her stock. She became more angry as the minutes ticked by, thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d pop him in the nose.”
With each cookie she took, he took one too, when only one cookie was left, she wondered what he’d do. With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie, broke it in half and offered her half, as he ate the other. She snatched it from him and thought, “Oh brother. This guy has nerve! He’s so rude and he didn’t even show any gratitude!”
She’d never known when she’d been so galled, so she sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her stuff and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the cookie thief. She boarded the plane, sank in her seat, then she sought her book which was almost complete. As she reached in her bag, she gasped – there was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes. Then, it hit her, “If my cookies are here, the others were his, and he tried to share.”
Too often you and I judge others very wrongly. How often have you been absolutely convinced of something, that you were right, only to find out later that you were very mistaken? Our world is so judgmental. Yet too often the Church of Jesus Christ is very judgmental. I know that I can be. I’m not talking about moral right or wrong or biblical truth. I’m talking about the grey areas and they keep changing, but still we can be judgmental.
Let me share a few from the past. Christians don’t play cards. They only sing hymns. They don’t go to movies, dance or drink alcohol. Depending on your church background it might be things like real Christians quote the Lord’s Prayer every Sunday. Real Christians worship with their hands raised. Real Christians don’t clap in church but say Amen. Real Christians dress up for church and have altar calls. And the list goes on and on.
If you grew up in church, then you learned some extra-Biblical rules that we too often embrace as being important distinctives of true Christ-followers. Romans 14:1-23 is about showing grace to others as we work through grey areas. It’s fine to have convictions about grey areas, as long as you don’t judge others over them. The Bible teaches Love + Unity ≠ Uniformity.
There are two quotes that are important to our study. The first is from the late Ed Dobson (picture): “The average Christian gets all upset about what they shouldn’t get upset about and doesn’t get upset about what they should get upset about.” The other is from the church father, Augustine (picture): “In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”
If you knew that today was your last day on alive, what would be most important to you? What would you pray for? As Jesus faced the cross the next day, He prayed that His followers – you and me – would have unity. “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word, that they may all be one, just as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me” (John 17:20-21). Yet if there’s anything that Christ’s Church lacks today, that the average church family lacks, it’s oneness or unity.
Often, it’s because we fight and divide over nonessentials. The convincing power of the early church was not that they were clones. The convincing power was that they had unity in the midst of diversity. They kept the main thing the main thing – the Gospel! We must do the same. What does all this mean for us at Grace? If you’re taking notes, let me suggest that…
1.Every Christ-follower is to stand for biblical truth. This doesn’t mean that whatever you want to believe about anything is okay. That’s “churchianity.” The cultural dogma today is tolerance. While we must respect everyone and their beliefs, the yardstick of right and wrong is the Bible, not our culture or our feelings. God gave us moral absolutes in His Word that are unchanging.
Please understand Romans 14 isn’t about clear commands of righteousness, like sexual immorality. For example, pornography and lust has always been wrong and always will be. The Ten Commandments aren’t adjustable like a seatbelt. Nor is this about the core issue of the gospel, how we’re saved and justified by God. Righteousness before God is a gift that He gives us when we believe in the sacrifice of His Son for our sins. The heart of the gospel is non-negotiable. The heart of the gospel is salvation by faith alone in Christ alone. We must be united on these essential things. They’re non-negotiable.
The non-essentials are all the other things. Opinions on food and drink and special days. Views on schooling children: home school, public school, Christian school? What type of music? How to find a spouse: Should we date or is courtship correct? What about online dating?
In all things, essentials and non-essentials, we must have charity. On the non-essentials we shouldn’t condemn or criticize. Instead, we should welcome and accept one another, even smile at one another. Being arrogant and judgmental on the nonessentials is incompatible with the Christian faith. We’re to be known for our graciousness and humility. As Paul said in Romans 12:10, “Outdo one another in showing honor.”
2. Every Christ-follower has a spiritual heritage. If you came to Christ since you’ve been at Grace Church, this is your spiritual heritage. If you’re part of another church in the future, you’ll probably measure that church by your experience here. All of us have a background and traditions. Christians can become very heated about their heritage – that it’s the right one.
A tragic example took place some years ago when the members of a church got into a heated disagreement over whether or not to have a Christmas tree at the annual Christmas Eve service. Some members wanted to have the beautiful symbolism of the tree. Others felt that the tradition of the Christmas tree had its origins in pagan practices and had no place in the church. The disagreement grew into an unholy argument that escalated into a brawl. A fistfight actually broke out. One group dragged the tree outside. The other dragged it back in. The cops were called. Before long, the two groups were in court, suing each other. The whole mess was splashed across the front page of the local newspaper. The entire community was talking about it. That church became a laughingstock and brought shame to the cause of Christ.
So, before we go further let me share some background to help you better understand this situation in the church at Rome that Paul is addressing.
First, remember that in those initial years of the Church, Christians were almost completely made up of former Jews. This was especially true of the church at Jerusalem. These early Jewish Christians continued observing Jewish dietary laws; they met for worship on the Sabbath; they frequented the temple or synagogue, etc. because they were all Jewish. Although they’d put their faith in Jesus, the dietary laws and Sabbath day observances were still very important to them. But Gentile believers didn’t believe that they were under any obligation to live by the old customs or the Mosaic law. For them Jesus Christ was the end of the law of Moses.
So, these Jewish believers who are referred to as “weak in faith” (vs. 1) were causing problems. With their legalistic mind set they criticized Gentile believers for not behaving as they believed Christ-followers should. I think their philosophy is summed up well by this anonymous poem:
“Believe as I believe — no more, no less,
That I am right and no one else confess
Feel as I feel, think as I think
Eat what I eat and drink what I drink
Look only as I look, do always as I do,
For then and only then, will I fellowship with you.”
Please understand that the issues were not over essential beliefs. It wasn’t an argument over whether or not the Bible is the inspired Word of God or whether or not Jesus was born of a virgin or rose from the dead. No, this was an argument over non-essentials. These were relational difficulties that stemmed from differences of opinion and cultural backgrounds over what are referred to as “disputable matters.”
In this portion of Paul’s letter he reminds the more mature Christians that as a believer grows, they allow the Holy Spirit the freedom to lead, guide and empower them. Over time there’s a gradual weaning from a legalistic approach to life. Over time, the believer becomes guided and motivated from within instead of by the external rules and regulations.
We need to understand where they’re coming from and cut them some slack. Everyone has some church background that follows him/her like a shadow into a local church family. Paul says that in view of this, we must accept each other anyway. In verse 14 he says in essence, “I know that in the Lord Jesus nothing is unclean in and of itself. I know we don’t have to be meticulous and scrupulous about those things. But these weaker people aren’t freed up yet, so be patient. Everybody has a heritage. Sure, he’s putting too much emphasis on a small thing, but he’ll grow one day.”
In other words, we need to withhold judgement on questionable issues where God’s Word is unclear. We must not argue over non-essentials. The Kingdom of God is so much more than being right over non-essentials. As Paul writes in verse 17, “…the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”
You and I need to hear this principle. Even in our day we still have these grey areas—these deeply held convictions that can cause division if we’re not careful. For example, what version of the Bible should we use? Should Christians dance? Should Christians be compassionate Republicans or conservative Democrats? And on and on it goes…
When we “bump into” a believer who has a non-essential conviction that we don’t share, we must be gracious, and love and accept them anyway. I like how J. B. Phillips translates verse 1, “Welcome a man whose faith is weak, but not with the idea of arguing over his scruples.” Everyone has a heritage…so remind yourself of that before you go all judgmental with a brother or sister. Remember, unity and church family are much more important than grey areas or questionable matters!
John Gottman (picture) is a researcher on relationships and points out that there will be relationship breakdowns and divisions if the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse are present. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that destroy relationships.
Criticism. Criticizing is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. Criticism is often an attack on a person’s character. In effect, you’re dismantling their whole being when you criticize. The problem with criticism is that, when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for the other, far deadlier horsemen to follow. It makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt, which eventually leads to…
Contempt. It’s just mean, and Christians aren’t mean. It’s treating others disrespectfully, mocking with sarcasm or ridicule, or using body language like eye-rolling. The target of contempt feels despised and worthless.
Defensiveness is another response to criticism. When we feel unjustly accused, we may play the victim. Unfortunately, this communicates that we don’t take the other person’s concerns seriously and are blowing them off.
Stonewalling can be a response to contempt. It occurs when the listener withdraws from interaction and stops responding. Rather than discussing and working through issues, those who stonewall do evasive maneuvers like tuning out, acting busy, or engaging in distracting behaviors.
Weak Christians may start out their Christian life mechanically, legalistically and rule oriented. They measure Christianity by externalism and lining up all the rules of Scripture which is a good thing, but they also embrace man-made rules for fellowship and are critical of other believers who don’t follow their rules.
3. Every Christ-follower will give an account before God, “Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God” (Romans 14:10).
Paul says that it’s wrong for us to judge others on these grey areas because we don’t report to each other in the first place. God alone is the judge. That’s very freeing if you tend to be a people-pleaser.
Paul is trying to relieve the Christian community of the burden that comes from trying to determine what’s right or wrong based on non-essential issues. Remember—when we judge or condemn others for their actions or beliefs that are not clearly biblical, we’re putting ourselves in the place of God.
If you’ve seen your child play soccer you know that at times, it’s very difficult to see where the ball is headed. There are times you thought it went in the goal when the refs said no. It may have been close, but it wasn’t a goal. It just looked that way. There were times when you thought the ball was in bounds, but the ref said it was out. The problem is that with most soccer fields there’s no stadium seating. You aren’t high enough to see clearly which is why they have refs on the field with the players. The refs know the rules and have the proper perspective to make the judgement calls that the fans can’t. It’s dumb to argue with a ref and can get you thrown off the field.
Paul is reminding us that only God has the proper perspective to judge the human heart and will judge all people in His perfect time. So, the strong must not judge the weak nor the weak judge the strong. It’s God’s job and it’s not a job that He shares with the likes of you and me. So there are many times when we should keep our mouth shut and leave the judging to God!
4. Every Christ-follower must seek to remove stumbling blocks, “Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” (Romans 14:13). A Catholic priest was accosted by a mugger in a dark alley. As the priest was making his way down the alley to his car, this mugger suddenly emerged from the shadows, thrusting a gun into his ribs demanding, “Give me your wallet!” Offering no word of protest, the priest immediately began to comply. As he reached into his pocket, his clerical collar became evident in the dim light, catching the robber off guard.
“Are you a priest?” he exclaimed. “Yes, I am,” the priest replied. “Oh, I don’t rob priests,” the thief said, “I’m Catholic, too.” Greatly relieved, the priest pulled a cigar from his inside pocket and offered it to the penitent thief. “Oh, no!” I can’t do that,” the thief exclaimed, “I’ve given them up for Lent.” The thief was a man with convictions.
Paul commands us to not deliberately act in such a way that you complicate the faith of a struggling brother or sister. Stop doing anything that would cause them to stumble into sin. For example, if you have a Christian friend who is a recovering alcoholic, don’t meet them for lunch at a bar.
Here’s an important key. Sometimes a believer will inform you that they don’t do certain things and tell you that you shouldn’t either. Let’s take the meeting at a bar for lunch as an example. If they were to tell you that they don’t go to lunch at bars because it’s a bad testimony, the question to ask is: “Are they the weaker brother or sister?” Usually, you’ll find that they consider themselves the more mature Christian because they have stronger convictions than you. So, if that’s the case, you don’t have to be concerned about potentially offending them. It’s not a stumbling block.
Paul chooses his words carefully. Some Christians may disagree with our convictions. They may be upset that we’ve acted as we have, but unless these Christians are so weak that they follow our example, and thus violate their own convictions, they’re not the “weaker brother” that Paul is referring to.
When the exercise of my liberty causes a weaker Christian to stumble, I’ve sinned in exercising my liberty, even though it’s consistent with my own convictions. As Christians, we’re in the building business, not the demolition one. Judging others and demanding the right to exercise our liberty, regardless of its affect on others, tears others down. All things are acceptable for the one whose faith is strong and conscience is clear. Yet “good” things become “evil” for the strong if they cause another believer to stumble.
After being certain of his own convictions the mature Christian is left with two concerns. The first is that he might exercise a liberty to the detriment of a weaker Christian. The second is that he’s tempted to approve that which God does not, to push his liberty too far. “Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves.” (Romans 14:22). We all struggle with balance. We easily swing between legalism or liberty.
5. Every Christ-follower must pursue that which edifies and encourages unity. “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:19). As believers, we’re responsible to each other. We must work to help other believers become stronger and more mature in their faith. We’re to interact with those who struggle with overly sensitive consciences and help them and our church family be stronger.
I read of some singles that were on a retreat. In the guys group that night an argument arose over some issue. One guy said something negative about the other and immediately almost in chorus all of the other guys shouted out, “Edify! Edify!” It seems that was the custom of this group to hold each other accountable. They believed it was wrong to tear each other down and when anyone crossed that line, they reminded them by saying, “Edify!” They rightly believed that Christians should, “build up or shut up.”
That would be a great custom for us at Grace. Unfortunately, some are better at tearing others down with our petty judgements and criticisms than we are at building them up. It reminds me of this anonymous poem:
“As I watched them tear a building down
A gang of men in a busy town
With a ho-heave-ho, and a lusty yell
They swung a beam and the side wall fell.
I asked the foreman, ‘Are these men skilled,
And the men you’d hire if you wanted to build?’
He gave a laugh and said, ‘No, indeed,
Just common labor is all I need.’
‘I can easily wreck in a day or two,
What builders have taken years to do.’
And I thought to myself, as I went my way
Which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by rule and square?
Am I shaping my work to a well-made plan
Patiently doing the best I can?
Or am I a wrecker who walks to town
Content with the labor of tearing down?
‘O Lord let my life and labors be
That which will build for eternity!”
Which are you, a wrecker or a builder? If we want to obey God’s Word and please the Lord, we must be builders. We must work for unity in our church family!
Conclusion: It should break our hearts that the church today lacks power because we’re so fragmented, critical and judgmental over non-essentials. By God’s grace, let’s work to build unity at Grace. The presence of pride and judgementalism guarantees a lack of love, humility and evangelism.
Recently, I was invited by a friend to a pastors’ meeting in the Milwaukee area. That day this group had determined to work out the guidelines that’d define them and help them determine who they’d allow in their group in the future. They were debating that no one would be allowed in who didn’t hold their view on the Reformed view of salvation. They batted it around and then my friend looked at me and asked, “Scott, would that be a problem for you?” (I really hate it when people do that to me.) So, I tried to be diplomatic in my answer and I shared this true story.
When the Russian Revolution was taking place, the Russian Orthodox Church was having a heated debate. While the culture was falling down around them the big debate for them was “What would be the color of their vestments for the coming year?” While the world was breaking apart, they were focused on the color of their vestments (picture). Then I shared with these pastors that as the early church was in a pre-Christian age, we’re in a post-Christian age and the biggest concern we must have is for someone’s final destination – Are they headed to the smoking or non-smoking section?
Folks, I am focusing my studies and reading these days on the 1st century Church. I believe that they’re the model for us in our current culture. Most of the issues that divide Christians today are non-essentials.
The Church in America over the last few years has faced a perfect storm that has brought division like nothing we’ve ever seen and churches have fragmented. Many have closed, as Christians have fought over politics, masks or no masks, vaccines or no vaccines, racism, wokeness, black lives matter, blue lives matter…and the list goes on and on – while the world around us is looking to us for hope.
They must see unity in the Gospel with us. They must see courage, love and hope in us! Because we’re not wringing our hands over what the world is coming to – our hope is in King Jesus and who is coming to the world.
I believe it’s very possible that the government will declare another Covid emergency in the next few months and at Grace we’re going to love and respect each other. If you want to wear a mask, wear one. If you don’t, don’t. If you want to get vaccinated, get vaccinated. If you don’t, don’t. And if you want to vote for Bozo the clown, at Grace we will respect your right to vote for Bozo.
Because the Gospel is what matters. It’s non-negotiable. Everyone we meet is either going to an eternal heaven or an eternal hell. And I don’t know about you, I want to take as many with me to heaven as I possibly can. That’s our mission! It takes unity in the Gospel to bring that about! Let’s determine to be on mission together! To promote biblical unity let me end with some exercises to challenge you.
Make a list of the people who bug you. After you finish, look through the names and find the common denominator. Are there some traits or attitudes that annoy you? Ask God to help you get over this and learn to see these people from His perspective.
Pray for the problem people in your life for two weeks. I guarantee that your relationship with people who irritate you will radically change if you pray for them by name for the next 14 days!
Ask God to change you.As hard as I might try, I can very seldom change someone else. The problem is not people, the problem is more personal – it’s ME…and I can ask God to do something about that.
Let go of grudges and forgive faults. Release your grip on a grudge or it will strangle you. The longer you hold on to it, the more it gets hold of you. Is there someone you haven’t forgiven? It’s time to let go of bitterness.
Restore a broken relationship. What one positive step can you take this week to mend a fractured friendship? Do you need to make a call or meet someone for coffee?
Perform an act of service. Loving feelings will follow loving actions. If you wait for the feeling, you may be waiting a long time. When you serve someone who bugs you, they’ll be surprised and so will you! Say something nice about someone to a third party, send them a note, or serve them in a way that they’ll never know about. When you serve someone, it will change how you see him or her.
We can do this! Augustine (picture) was right: “In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”
There’s an song that I learned as a teen. It was from the Jesus People and they were right: “We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord. We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord. And we pray that all unity will someday be restored and they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love and they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love. Yes they’ll know we are Christians by our love.”
It seems to me that Jesus said the same thing, didn’t He? At Grace, let’s commit to being known for our unity and our love!