It takes guts and humility to admit mistakes. Admitting we’re wrong is courage, not weakness. – Roy T. Bennett

Sometimes our culture comes up with the silliest sayings and beliefs. One of those was part of the popular romantic movie, “Love Story.” Love means never having to say you’re sorry was a catchphrase in the movie, Love Story starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal. That silly line is spoken twice: once in the middle of the movie by Jennifer Cavalleri (MacGraw’s character), when Oliver Barrett (O’Neal) apologizes to her for his anger; and then as the last line of the film, by Oliver, when his father says “I’m sorry” after learning of Jennifer’s tragic death. It became part of our cultural landscape and has been repeated in various contexts ever since. It’s one of the more foolish lines of all time. Admitting you’re wrong is vital to love and character. And it’s supremely biblical.  

Think how many political scandals would have been avoided if the leader, before being caught, had simply admitted “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” Instead of nearly being impeached for the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon might be remembered as one of our greatest Presidents. 

If anyone should easily and quickly admit wrongdoing, it’s Christ-followers. The life of David is a warning that a cover-up always brings our Heavenly Father’s discipline. God loves us too much to let us live with the deadly damage of unresolved sin in our lives. So, where do we start? 

We must first confess that we are wrong to God. 

All wrongs and sin are first against our Heavenly Father. Once we’ve committed our lives to Christ, we’re part of God’s Forever Family. Yet, just as in a human family, we must keep the relationship cleaned up. We don’t admit we blew it so our parents will re-adopt us. We do it to keep our relationships healthy. That’s why we confess and repent of sin with our Heavenly Father. 1 John 1:9 teaches that we only need to confess it to God. We don’t need a pastor or priest – Jesus is now our high priest, and we can go immediately into God’s presence with our sins, needs or prayers (Hebrews 4:14-16). 

We must confess that we are wrong in our marriages and families. 

A healthy marriage requires two confessors and two forgivers. It takes mutual vulnerability, where both spouses regularly confess their faults to each other. It fosters healing, trust, and intimacy. This habitual practice breaks down shame, allows grace to flourish, and strengthens those relational bonds by treating each other as partners in grace. Sin is a spiritual barrier. Confession is the way to break down that barrier and cultivate oneness. 

All of us have blind spots and none of us are psychic. Personally, I appreciate it when Jane shares with me when I’ve offended her. Otherwise, I might not know that I need to admit I was wrong and work at repairing our relationship. 

These same principles are true in a healthy, functional family. All families have problems. The key difference between a functional family and a dysfunctional one is the ability to problem-solve. This continues even with adult children and in-laws. Without it resentment builds. Family gatherings become obligatory, lacking transparency and deep relationships. 

We must learn to confess that we are wrong in our neighborhoods and workplaces. 

In today’s cultural climate, this is much more complicated. That doesn’t change our responsibility to do the right thing as Christ-followers. Before we call law enforcement on a neighbor or go to HR about a fellow-employee, we need to first seek to problem-solve. You don’t use a pistol when a pea shooter works. It requires first listening and then humility. If we are to love our neighbor as Scripture commands, we must seek to problem-solve when it is needed. 

Jane and I will never forget when our dog killed a neighbor’s chickens after it flew into our yard. Though they moved years ago, we’re still friends and stay connected on social media. But it began with our apologizing first for what our dog did. Jane knew we had a problem when our chocolate lab brought a dead chicken to her in his mouth. Then we saw our neighbors looking with flashlights for their missing chicken. It was very embarrassing, yet it was vital we first take responsibility and apologize.. 

We must learn to confess when we are wrong in our spiritual family relationships. 

God’s Word talks about the poison of bitterness. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled (Hebrews 12:15). Over the years I’ve lost count of how many believers were offended in a church setting and rather than seeking to biblically problem-solve, they just bailed. The huge loss is that we who believe in God’s grace, forgiveness and restoration – limit it. And the bitter or offended one suffers the most. They carry poison in their heart that will seep out into other relationships, particularly with God. If one doesn’t seek to biblically resolve matters, they’ll soon find themselves offended in their “new” church and just keep repeating the failure cycle. 

If anyone should biblically problem-solve and be forgivers shouldn’t it be us – those who have been forgiven so much? What message do we have for a lost and angry world if we can’t forgive and show grace to our brothers and sisters who we’re going to spend eternity with?

As a Type A, I can easily offend others, sometimes unbeknownst to me, and sometimes I’m offended though I work to not be. Here’s what I’ve learned that the Bible teaches on handling offenses:

• Overlook as much as you can and show God’s grace. As the Lord is gracious with us, we must be gracious with our brothers and sisters. The same love that Jesus showed to His disciples (and they were a big mess), He will provide us with to love our brothers and sisters in Christ.
• Pray and keep praying. I’m continually overwhelmed by how the Lord resolves matters when I pray and give the matter to Him. I also ask the Lord to use the situation to help me grow spiritually and teach me the lessons that He wants me to learn from it.  
• Go humbly and graciously to the one that offended you. Treat them as family. Treat them as you’d want someone to treat you. Frequently, we offend others and it’s a blind spot. We’re not even aware of it. 
• And this is the most difficult one, don’t be an Adam and make excuses or accuse others (Genesis 3). Humbly take responsibility and admit where you were wrong. Don’t deal with the other person’s potential wrong. The Holy Spirit is the best at convicting and resolving those situations. 

We’re all sinners saved by His grace. Admitting we blow it doesn’t stop at salvation. It’s a lifelong process of forgiving and being forgiven. It’s continually growing in grace and Christlikeness.