Scripture: Ecclesiastes 12:1-8
Sermon Series:
The 2005 Guinness Book of World Records said that Percy and Florence Arrowsmith (picture) held two records—the longest marriage of a living couple (80 years) and having the largest married couple’s aggregate age (205 years). Both Percy and Florence have since died, but they left good advice for those who want to have a lasting marriage. Florence said, “You must never go to sleep bad friends. If you’ve had a quarrel, you make it up. Never be afraid to say, ‘sorry’.” Percy had slightly more humorous advice. He said the secret to his long marriage was just two words, “Yes, dear.”
Jane and I have been married forty years and seven days now. Last Sunday I wanted to talk about a healthy marriage in your later years but was concerned about time constraints with Communion and our grill-out.
If anyone should have a healthy, fulfilling marriage in their later years it’s Christians. We have something a lost world doesn’t have –the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. In an anti-marriage world, our marriages can be a testimony to God’s grace. Yet, even in the Church, often marriages are little more than partnerships or roommates. That’s not God’s plan. This morning we want to work through A Magnificent Maturing Marriage from Ecclesiastes 12:1-8 (p. 559). If you’re taking notes…
1.There is a major difference between growing old and growing up. Understanding and applying God’s guidelines can help restore even an aging marriage that’s gone off the rails. Growing old and growing up are very different. Growing old requires little but living…just passing time. Growing up requires effort. To grow up, you must work on areas of your life that reflect irresponsibility, foolish thinking and immature behavior. We’ll tell a teen who’s acting irresponsibly “Grow up. Act your age.” At times we need to say the same thing to ourselves whether we’re in our 40’s or 80’s.
One of the dumbest things people say is: “I’m too old to change.” You can’t be a Christian and stop growing because you have the Holy Spirit. God loves us too much to let us settle for mediocrity. It’s amazing that when someone is facing a medical crisis how quickly they change. If the choices are change or death, we change. The choices for a healthy marriage are grow and change, or decay and die. Do you love Jesus? Then, keep growing in your marriage.
Ecclesiastes 12 is a realistic passage. It’s filled with picturesque symbolism and sometimes humorous subtleties. Let’s work our way through it.
2. To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today. “Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, ‘I have no pleasure in them’ (vs. 1). “Creator” isn’t how we typically think of God. We think of God as Father, Savior, Friend, the one Who loves me, yet rarely as Creator.
It’s important to note that the word “Creator” is plural. It takes us back to Genesis 1:26, “ Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” It’s a reference to the Trinity.
Should it make a difference that God is our Creator? That we didn’t evolve, we’re not the human animal? Yes. Creator indicates the created has purpose.
Steve Jobs didn’t create the iPhone to be a paper weight. The Internet wasn’t created for funny YouTube clips. Alexander Graham Bell didn’t create the phone as a diet control mechanism to interrupt your meals.
God created us for a purpose. That echoes in the word, “remember.” This “remember” isn’t what you experience when you have a conversation with someone you run into at the store but can’t remember their name. Remember here means “pay attention to, consider with the intention of obeying.” It’s the Ecclesiastes version of Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
So if you were giving advice to a high school senior – what advice would you give them? Would you tell them to go to college, look for a good paying job with benefits, to not party all the time, to get married, have kids, plan early for retirement? But would you tell them to pay attention to God, to “remember their Creator”? That too rarely enters into our thinking. Does the other advice matter without a God-grid? Can’t you choose the right college, make a great living, have a great career and family – yet, if you don’t “remember” God – So what?
God is saying, “Give me everything now. Your life will be fulfilling. You’ll enjoy life more if you do and will be so glad you did.” When we’re young, we have the strength to face and overcome trouble. Yet, if turning to God is not a life pattern, when troubles comes (and it will), we won’t be ready.
Remembering means to have a God focus whether at work, playing golf, on the Internet, or shopping. We’re to remember our Creator whether we’re in the bedroom or family room. It changes everything. Remembering God means remembering Him in everything that we do every second of our lives.
It’s so sad when young people go the way of a lost world and end up limited for the remainder of their lives because of bad choices in their youth.
Malcolm Muggeridge (picture), the famous writer and editor, and for years a dedicated Marxist and atheist, and a left-wing columnist for the liberal media, came to Christ in the latter days of his life. When he wrote his biography he titled it, Chronicles of Wasted Time. That’s Solomon’s warning: “Don’t waste your life! The life lived for God is the only life of meaning and delight in this world. If you won’t live for God you’ll miss out in this world and in the next. If you’ll live for God now you’ll know the only solid joy and lasting delight that can be experienced here or hereafter.”
There’s a sign on the Trans-Alaska Highway, “Choose your rut carefully; you’ll be in it for the next 200 miles!” Choose the course of your life carefully today, choose the course of your marriage carefully. You’re going to be in it for a long time. Remember your Creator. To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today.
3. To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today before the deterioration of aging sets in, vss. 2-5. In their first encounter, in J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, Gollum nearly stumps Bilbo with a riddle: “This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high mountain down.” Bilbo is baffled, grasping for more seconds, finally Bilbo pleads for “Time” and then he realizes that he’s hit upon the answer.
Someone said there are four stages of life: infancy, childhood, adulthood, and “You look great!” Aging means that we go from Pampers to Depends. Solomon says that…
a. Aging is like a storm, “before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars are darkened and the clouds return after the rain. As we age we face storm after storm, often going from one ailment to the next. We break a hip, get pneumonia. The elderly don’t bounce back as they once did.
Depression is a reality for many. Often, there are feelings of uselessness. Those who were once resourceful, feel they’re just in the way. There can be feelings of guilt. If their children’s lives are messed up, they may blame themselves and wonder where they went wrong. Or they can look back and see decisions they made which they knew weren’t good ones but they pushed on. Now they’re paying the piper in the lives of their children and grandchildren. Perhaps they didn’t plan for retirement. Or they never stopped to enjoy life, now physically they can’t. Too frequently, there’s bitterness and resentment. They carry a torch from wounds real or perceived from years long past. They may be drowning in self–pity. “Why has my life been so hard?” Finally, there can be feelings of fear. The aged face many fears—heights, bankruptcy, ill health, dying, being alone, losing their mind, etc. Storms and cloudy days keep coming.
b. Aging is like a deteriorating house. Their body is in decline. Solomon compares an aging body to a decaying, old house. “In the day when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men are bent, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those who look through the windows are dimmed, and the doors on the street are shut—when the sound of the grinding is low, and one rises up at the sound of a bird, and all the daughters of song are brought low— they are afraid also of what is high, and terrors are in the way; the almond tree blossoms, the grasshopper drags itself along, and desire fails, because man is going to his eternal home, and the mourners go about the streets” (vs. 3-5).
“In the day when the keepers of the house tremble” What’s kept the body? The old man’s hands. They defended his body. They provided food and helped him make a living. Now his hands shake and tremble.
“And the strong men are bent.” The strong men were his legs that carried his body. Now they barely carry his weight. His knees and hips are bad.
“And the grinders cease because they are few.” Back then, they didn’t have dentists or dentures. Teeth decayed and fell out. He didn’t have enough teeth to chew his food properly.
“And those who look through the windows are dimmed,” They didn’t have glasses. No one did cataract surgery. Vision issues were common.
“And the doors on the street are shut.” When the doors are shut, you can’t hear. As you age, you get hard of hearing.
“When the sound of the grinding is low.” Having lost lots of teeth, he can only eat soft foods. My grandfather loved to dip cornbread in buttermilk. It was easy to chew. The days of steak and corn on the cob are history.
“And one rises up at the sound of a bird.” Teens can sleep through a bomb going off but an old person wakes up at the slightest noise.
“And all the daughters of song are brought low.” The voice cracks. Have you ever heard a famous singer who kept singing past their prime? They sound like a scratched record.
“They are afraid also of what is high.” They used to climb up and clean their gutters but no more. They’re gripping the banister as they go up and down stairs.
“And terrors are in the way.” They fear falling or being mugged. Sometimes they fear being out in public and become agoraphobic.
“The almond tree blossoms.” Almond trees blossoms are white. Hair that doesn’t turn loose, turns white…or it would except for hair coloring.
“The grasshopper drags itself along.” Have you ever tried to catch a grasshopper? They’re the embodiment of lightness and agility. But now he moves with slowness and great difficulty.
“And desire fails.” The Hebrew literally says, “the caperberry fails.” The caperberry was thought to stimulate appetites. The appetite for food and sex is gone. Blue hair goes with blue pills. He doesn’t even desire to spend time with friends. He’d rather stay home to watch the Weather Channel.
“Because man is going to his eternal home, and the mourners go about the streets.” Death is drawing near. The professional mourners of that day are on call, ready to go out in the street to start their wailing.
This description of aging reminds me of an elderly couple who wanted to get married. Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, were living in Florida. They got very excited about their decision to get married. They went for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way pass a pharmacy. Jacob suggests they go in. He talks to the Pharmacist behind the counter, “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes.” Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?” Pharmacist: “Of course.” Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?” Pharmacist: “All kinds.” Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?” Pharmacist: “Definitely.” Jacob: “How about suppositories?” Pharmacist: “You bet!” Jacob: “Medicine for arthritis and back aches?” Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety, the works.” Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Metamucil and Geritol?” Pharmacist: “Absolutely.” Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?” Pharmacist: “We sure do.” Jacob: “Do you sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?” Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.” Jacob: “Adult diapers?” Pharmacist: “Sure…” Jacob: “Great, we’d like to use this store as our Wedding Registry.” To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today before the deterioration of aging sets in.
4. To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today before death comes, “before the silver cord is snapped, or the golden bowl is broken, or the pitcher is shattered at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern, and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it (vss. 6-7). Solomon moves from the analogy of a storm and decaying house to treasure and precious jewels. He urges living responsibly before death, referring to two common figures from that culture.
The silver cord held a golden bowl in which light burns. It snaps and the bowl is broken. Life is valuable. It’s compared to silver and gold.
Life is also referred to by water now being unavailable. Death has come. The pitcher that holds water is shattered; the wheel which draws water from the well is broken. It’s a picture of wreckage and destruction.
The final description of death Solomon utilizes to motivate us toward responsible living is that of the reversal of Creation. The dust of the body returns to the ground and the spirit or breath of life, return to the God who gave it. It refers back to the Creation account in Genesis where Adam was made from the dust of the ground and given the breath of life by God.
It’s a reminder that God is the source of all life. Solomon also seems to be referring to the return of the individual spirits to God for judgment.
You’re never going to see this on CNN or Fox. Take it from God, it’s going to happen. You may live a bit longer but someday you’re going to die. After death, what? “The spirit returns to God who gave it.” If you’re ready, you’ll see a smile like you’ve never seen in your earthly life. It will be on the face of your Savior. You’ll hear Him say, “Come into My Kingdom. Enter into My house.” You’ll hear sounds you’ve never heard, all because you turned your life over to God. You “acted decisively on His behalf.” Not even the aging or dying process will cancel out His plan to make you into a new person, made for eternity and glory.
We’re not to waste time fretting over life’s transience. Our lives are to be used and wisely invested. Notice those powerful words: snapped, broken, shattered, broken. Death is final and irreversible. Remember your Creator today…before you die!
Famed English poet, John Donne (picture), brought in a coffin and placed it in his bedroom. Occasionally, he’d sleep in the coffin “as a reminder of his mortality and of the life of sin he had renounced.”
We don’t need to go to that extreme to know that we’ll die but we must realize our time is very limited. Death comes for everyone. The day to remember our Creator is now! To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today before death comes.
5. To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today because life is empty without God. For the last time in Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes, “Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher; all is vanity” (vs. 8). Ecclesiastes begins with that phrase and ends with it, emphasizing the emptiness of life without God. The Hebrew word for “vanity” appears 38 times in Ecclesiastes. It’s the word “Hebbel”. It means “vapor” or “breath.”
Solomon isn’t saying that life is devoid of purpose. He’s saying that life is a vapor. It moves quickly. On a cold morning, go outside. You exhale. You see your breath, and it’s gone. That’s your life. It goes quickly.
How many of you are at the place where, all of a sudden life has moved far more quickly than you anticipated? Days have flown by. It’s what Solomon is saying. Urgency is of vital importance. You’re going to die and are in the process of dying every day.
If you’re young, if you have life, if you have health, if you have breath, remember God. Delight and enjoy Him. One reason we gather on Sundays is to encourage all of us to heed these words and remember our Creator now.
Facing reality helps you prepare for some of the danger signals of getting old and losing touch in your marriage. Some of these are poor communication, loss of compatibility, and refusal to discuss concerns or even compromise. Biblically mature people aren’t stubborn, yet some of the most stubborn people that you’ll ever meet are in their later years. They haven’t grown up. Mature people may have deep convictions, but they’re open, tolerant, kind and gracious. They have a long fuse, not a short one.
Please don’t rationalize, “That’s just the way that God made me.” God wants to remake you from the inside out. Your old sinful nature makes you like you are. The new nature that you received at salvation wants to remake you. To have a magnificent maturing marriage you must live wisely today because life is empty without God.
Conclusion: On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long, happy marriage. The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word ‘marriage.’” His wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling.” Let’s tie this up with some guidelines to help you have a magnificent maturing marriage.
Face reality. Live realistically. You’re getting older. Now you should ask: How can I get better? How can I grow? How can I stay in touch? Those hard questions will assist you as you determine to be a growing person.
Enjoy living by giving. Learn to give generously. Just a chapter back in Ecclesiastes 11, it says: “Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. Give a portion to seven, or even to eight, for you know not what disaster may happen on earth” (11:1-2).
Listen to the paraphrase from The Living Bible: “Give generously, for your gifts will return to you later. Divide your gifts among many, for in the days ahead you yourself may need much help.”
These verses are telling those who have a little bit of this world’s goods to share some of it and not hoard it. The happiest people you’ll meet are generous. Don’t think that by keeping it now you’ll enjoy it in the lives of your children or grandchildren later after you’re gone. Enjoy the results of it right now.
Just a side note. Many senior saints who’d never waste their money in the evil ways of this world leave an inheritance that will be wasted in evil ways by children or grandchildren, ways that they’d never have used it in.
Yet this passage goes so much deeper than money. It includes giving of yourself. Let the benchmark of your life be generosity. It’s when we pull back, close our doors, turn off our internal lights and sit in selfish silence that we shrivel into miserable people. Give yourself away. I know seniors with pristine lawns, perfectly clean houses who fail to give of themselves. I’ve never heard anyone talk about someone’s lawn or house at their funeral.
Don’t plan for the pasture. Ecclesiastes 11:3-4, “If the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves on the earth, and if a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where the tree falls, there it will lie. He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.”
He’s talking about the inevitable things of life. When clouds come full of rain, it’s going to rain. When a tree is cut down, it falls and stays there. If you occupy yourself with the inevitables, the obvious, the ultimates, that’s all that you’ll amount to – just an inevitable, obvious person who finally dies. You won’t sow and you won’t reap. But when you adapt willingly, you make plans to accomplish something.
God has more for us than getting together with other seniors and griping about young people, politics, our aches and pains and the weather. Dream big! Do something!
Did you know that Laura Ingalls Wilder (picture) didn’t publish her first book in the Little House series until she was 65? At age 91, Harriette Thompson (picture) completed her 15th marathon and broke a few records in the process. John Wesley (picture) was 88 and still preaching daily with eminent success, eloquent power and undiminished popularity.
Some believe that retirement means “I’m finished.” No, it can mean “we’ve only just begun.” The Bible and Christian History are filled with examples of those who were mightily used by God in their later years. Old age is tough but when you consider the alternative, it isn’t that tough!
Trust God: He makes no mistakes. Ecclesiastes 11:5-6, “As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.” You don’t know the path of the wind and you don’t know God’s plan.
Solomon is saying, “Hitch your life to the only security there is, and that’s the living, active God. Nothing keeps us younger than being in touch with the mainstream of God’s activity. That includes enduring loss as well as enjoying gain.
Catherine Marshall (picture) lost her husband, Peter, at 47 to a heart attack. He was a mover and shaker in D.C. In a moment, he was gone. In describing how she overcame her grief, she said that she became absolutely convinced that being lost in grief can become nothing more than a selfish act of self-pity. It’s saying in effect, “I don’t believe that God is in control. I don’t accept the fact that He took my spouse.” When she realized that she turned her efforts to writing. Many of you have been blessed by her books, like the Christy series (picture).
Chuck Swindoll (picture) shares of a woman in Houston who once stood at her husband’s grave, grieving. She suddenly realized, “There’s no life here. Why are so many of us weeping over the tombstones?” She determined before God, “This will be my ministry.” And she became a cemetery evangelist, visiting with people who kept returning to that place trying to talk to the dead. Her vital faith in Christ led her to share Him with hundreds who grieved. She may be getting older but she’s getting better than ever.
You’re never too old to rejoice. One more principle found in verse 7, rejoice daily. “Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun” (11:7). Verse 8 adds, “If a person lives to be very old, let him rejoice in every day of life…” Griping, complaining – being negative becomes a habit.
Can I get in your personal space for a moment? Some of you are bothered that your children don’t want to be around you. You get more flies with sugar than you do with salt. Some of you just look grumpy before you say a word. If you’re constantly complaining or telling them how to live or what they’re not doing right or what they’re not doing for you, they probably don’t want to be around you. You probably wouldn’t want to be around you either.
And one more thing that’s so important to this message and having a magnificent maturing marriage. Please stop complaining about your spouse either to them or about them to others.
I’ve lost track of how many funerals I’ve done over the years. Do you know what people talk about at funerals? They talk about how wonderful the person is that’s now gone. Nobody talks about their bad habits. As I’m sitting in the front getting ready to share the funeral message, I think, “I wish that the person in the casket was here to hear how wonderful their spouse, their children, their friends think that they were.” Please talk about and to your spouse NOW the way that you’ll talk about them at their funeral. Do it now so that they hear it!
We are so blessed! Every day I try to write down some of my blessings in a diary. The greatest delight in my life is just living—touching lives, preaching, writing, studying, investing in my family’s lives and the lives of others. It’s a delight to walk with Jesus and be engaged in the lives of others.
The worst thing you or I can do is crawl into a cave of self-pity, moaning about our past or present and forgetting what a fantastic future that God has for us as believers. It’s out of this world! So…
Live realistically.
Give generously.
Adapt willingly.
Trust fearlessly.
Rejoice daily.
Take this prescription twice daily and who knows, you may live to be a hundred and every year you’ll get better and better. And if you don’t live to be a hundred, those who knew you because you so brightened their lives– will wish that you had!