Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. – Augustine

For over twenty years the Canadian town of St. Mary’s endured the smell of rotting fish. A local factory that made fish sauce closed decades ago. After it closed, they abandoned thousands of gallons of fish sauce that quickly spoiled. The smell was horrible. Legal battles over who was responsible for the cleanup delayed efforts to address the noxious odor for years. As I read that story, I thought, “Twenty years…that’s nothing. I’ve known individuals who have been bitter lots longer than that.” 

Bitterness stinks! It makes your whole life smell! Usually, the one who is bitter is oblivious to how noxious their life stinks to those around them, often those closest to them. The lists of people and situations that birth bitterness are endless. Here are some of the more common ones. 

Bitterness towards family. 

This is the most common one. A growing fad of adult children is “no contact”with parents. It stems from real or perceived wrongs. It happened in the Bible, too. Absalom was so bitter toward his father that he led a rebellion and attempted to kill King David. 

There’s bitterness toward a sibling, particularly if there is real or perceived favoritism. Joseph’s brothers decided not to kill him but instead sell him into slavery because they hated him so much. 

Someone said, “Where there’s a will, there’s relatives.” Jesus’ sermon was interrupted by a man upset by how the inheritance was divided. When J. Seward Johnson, heir to the Johnson & Johnson fortune died, his will left nearly everything to his third wife. His six children (by his first two wives) filed what became the longest, most expensive will contest in U.S. history. Often siblings are embittered by the inheritance and die with it unresolved. 

Bitterness towards former relations. 

It’s common to have bitterness toward an ex-spouse. Resentment festers from messy breakups, cheating, lies, or divorce disputes. It can be toward former friends who betrayed us, gossiped, or abandoned us. Sometimes it’s a coworker or boss where there’s bitterness about unfair promotions or harsh treatment at work. Some even carry a torch toward a pastor or church that they feel mistreated them. 

Bitterness towards circumstances. 

It can be hostility over seeming unfairness, limitations, or disappointments. One feels wronged or restricted by events outside their control. It could be perceived injustice, feelings of helplessness like health issues, financial stress or unmet expectations about life, a career, or how a relationship “should” have turned out.

All bitterness is ultimately toward God. 

God is in control of every circumstance, person and situation that comes into our lives. When we’re bitter, our bitterness is ultimately toward God. It’s a denial of the goodness and sovereignty of God. If you’re bitter, you’ve decided that God didn’t handle it the right way, so you’re going to help God out.  

Hebrews 12:15 warns us that, See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. Bitter roots start small but won’t stay small. Those who are bitter disrupt and create unnecessary trouble for themselves and others. It leads to gossip and griping about an offender or an offense. Sometimes bitterness results in an outburst that’s a bit like a like a shotgun going off. Bitterness is so toxic that it not only affects the ones who hurt you but everyone else. It’s non-discriminating in its targets.

Christ-followers – the forgiven are forgivers. 

As Christians, we are called to be forgiven forgivers. That means that just as we have received immense grace and forgiveness from God, we’re to extend that same grace to others. Ephesians 4:31-32 commands us, Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Holding onto bitterness and refusing to forgive not only harms our relationships but also wears down our souls. Forgiveness though always leads to freedom. When you forgive, you are no longer defined by the wrongs done to you. Instead, you allow love to write a better, more beautiful story for your life. This act of forgiveness not only benefits you but also serves as a powerful testimony to others about the transformative power of God’s love. It’s nearly impossible to share the gospel’s message of God’s forgiveness, if you are clinging to bitterness.  

Christ-followers – the forgiven trust the God of forgiveness. 

Trusting God means that you know that even with the pain or mistreatment that you don’t understand, God was in control of all of it. He will provide the inner strength needed to forgive others and see His hand in the worst of life as Job did. You can let go of anger and the desire for payback. It’s what Joseph did with his brothers who had been so cruel to him. When Joseph had power for revenge, he instead told them, As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good… (Genesis 50:20). 

Being a forgiver is the only way to have God’s peace. Forgiving as God has forgiven us makes us more like Jesus than any other behavior. 

Corrie ten Boom’s father and sister had died in Nazi concentration camps. Somehow she survived and spoke in various churches, sharing about God’s love and forgiveness. She writes her book, “The Hiding Place”:

It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, a former S.S. man from Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I’d seen since that time. Suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, [my sister] Betsie’s pain-blanched face. He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. ‘How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.’ He said, ‘To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!’ His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to others the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. But as the vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. 

Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? “Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.” I tried to smile; I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. 

Jesus, I prayed, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.” As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. A current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.

Christ-followers must be like Corrie and she really suffered. Bitterness is one of the worst sins of the forgiven Christian. God who forgave us is our source of forgiveness for others. We carry on us the odor of bitterness unless we confess it and let God pour His forgiveness through us!