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Home » Resources » Handling Conflicts Without Coming Unglued

Handling Conflicts Without Coming Unglued

Scripture: Nehemiah 6:1-19
Sermon Series: Nehemiah: Making a Difference for God – Sermon 08

Are you a WNBA fan? Recently, the popularity of Sophie Cunningham and Caitlin Clark of the Indiana Fever has exploded. Sophie Cunningham’s popularity went viral when she took down a Connecticut Sun player who’d pushed Clark, instantly earning a reputation as her “enforcer.” It spawned the meme seen round the world. In a recent interview, Cunningham said something that connects with our study in Nehemiah 6: If you’re gonna live by praise, you’re gonna die by the hate..

We’re in a study of the Old Testament book of Nehemiah. Jews returned from a 70-year exile after being punished by God for rebelling against Him even though they’re His chosen people. Some exiles have returned, but they were defenseless. Jerusalem’s walls were destroyed by the Babylonian army. So, God sent Nehemiah, a man serving under the king of Persia to go to Jerusalem and inspire the remnant to rebuild the walls. From day one of this project, Nehemiah faced enemies working to stop the work.

Sanballat and his thugs did all they could to stop the rebuilding of the walls. In Nehemiah 6 the project is nearly complete. Only the gates need to be added. But these enemies aren’t ready to quit. They make another major assault, specifically targeting Nehemiah. If they can take out the leader, they’ll derail the work. In a last-ditch effort, they plot to take out Nehemiah.

So, was it good for Jerusalem to have walls in a day when they were your defense against enemies? Yes. So, why are their enemies against it? God’s people always have enemies who seek to derail them from serving God.

How about us? Is it good to be a Christ-follower, to have your life transformed so you’re a kinder person, a better spouse, parent, employee, neighbor, citizen – the kind of person we’d call a “good human.” Absolutely! So, why do we have enemies? Why do they want to stop us from being different, from living for Jesus?

What about our church? We’re not building walls of brick. We’re working to advance Christ’s Kingdom, to see lives transformed. 3,000 years separate us from Nehemiah, but Satan hasn’t changed his tactics. He always wants to sabotage God’s work and people.

Nehemiah 6 applies to the spiritual warfare of a believer. God’s Word urges us to prepare for battle. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm (Ephesians 6:13). If you live for Jesus, you’ll have enemies. Some, as we’ll see in Nehemiah 6, are seeming friends. They’re in the middle of our team but fighting for the other team. In American History, they’re traitors like Benedict Arnold or from the Afghanistan War, American Taliban, John Walker Lindh.

Though they’re about to cut the ribbon and rededicate the walls, there’s another attack. Nehemiah hasn’t seen the last of his foes, and neither will we until get Home. Satan is a vicious enemy. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).  

As we wander through the corridors of this book, we find some great truths. It’s noteworthy that what we don’t find is a mention of a friend of Nehemiah. Nehemiah knew how to stand alone. The ones God has used through the ages all knew how to stand alone. The life of a leader is often a lonely one. It’s why leaders must depend on God’s strength and live for an audience of One. 

So, what can we learn from Nehemiah 6 to help us in our own spiritual battles, both as individual Christ-followers and as a church family?

1. Doing God’s work always brings Satan’s attacks, often subtle. 

In a Gary Larsen’s “Far Side” cartoon, two deer are standing upright, one has a huge target on his chest. The other one says, Bummer of a birthmark, Ernie! Every Christian is in Satan’s crosshairs. If he can bring us down, particularly leaders, he causes extensive damage to the flock. There’s never a safe time to let down your guard. Satan knows our soft spots.

Before they’d used open threats of force, now they use veiled plots. Each of their attacks on Nehemiah are different, but each is designed to either take his life or discredit his effectiveness as a leader.

The attack of distraction, vss. 2-4. 

How many of you are tired this morning because you stayed up too late last night watching some movie you’ve seen dozens of times? Or you were doom scrolling on social media? Ours is the age of distraction. What easily distracts you often has little significance?

They ask Nehemiah to meet with them in the plain of Ono, about 40 miles from Jerusalem. It would take a day to get there and a day to return. Did they package it as some kind of peace talk?

They want Nehemiah to come alone and meet them in hostile territory. He would be exposed, defenseless and an easy target for assassination.

Nehemiah rightly senses treachery so he says, “Oh no!” to Ono. He exercised godly discernment. He’s focused on the mission. I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you? (Nehemiah 6:3).

Like a child trying to wear down her parents, they ask four times. We must be determined, no matter how continual or powerful the distractions are.

Do you believe what we’re doing here at Grace is the work of God and matters in eternity? Grace Church exists to glorify our Heavenly Father by continually making more followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. Are you involved in the mission with us? Is it a priority for you?

The attack of isolation, vss. 2-4. 

Two great Reformers of the faith, John Huss and William Tyndale were isolated. It costs them their lives. Huss was invited to attend the Council of Constance to answer charges. The emperor promised him safe conduct both ways, but he was seized, thrown into a dungeon and later condemned and burned at the stake.

Tyndale, translator of the English Bible, was living in exile when he was invited to lunch by a supposed friend. It was a trap and he was arrested. Several months later, he was strangled and burned at the stake.

Satan wants to isolate us. Christians fall for it all the time. God’s plan is not “Jesus and me.” It’s “Jesus and us.” Satan doesn’t want you to attend a worship service or be part of a small group.  

Can you imagine a child saying to his family, “I got it. I don’t need you.” American individualism is a Satanic lie. It’s disabling us spiritually and hurting the cause of Christ. Jesus died for the Church. We’re to be a family, a body, a temple, an army. “Jesus and me” is a satanic lie.

And his second lie is that “it’s my individual, biological family.” God designed us for a spiritual family, but Satan loves to isolate us. These thugs attempt to get Nehemiah alone so they can take him out.

When do Christians look at porn? They’re alone. My heart goes out to those who must travel for business. There’s the temptation of porn on TV or places a believer should never go. David committed adultery when he was alone. Peter denied Jesus when he was isolated from Jesus and the other disciples.

Even being alone in your thoughts can be harmful. A 20-something Jane and I were reaching out to recently took her own life. Depression and suicide are outcomes of isolation.

We too easily isolate our kids from our church family with sports. In the past teams didn’t practice or play on Sunday mornings. Those were church times. You must learn to say, “no.” What will your children learn from sports that will alter their eternal destination or help them live for Jesus? It’s why at Grace we’re working to begin our own sports program with Upward Sports that won’t practice or play on Sunday morning. And your children need to know you’re not a nut, that other Christian parents believe what you believe. Do parents at your kid’s game believe what you believe?

We’re all busy. We have folk here who have long commutes for work. That’s why we’re building this new addition to make it more convenient to be part of a small group. If you’re here already, what’s another hour?

Yes, it’s for biblical teaching. More importantly it’s for relationships. Too many Christians have been infected with an American mentality of relationships and think they’re disposable. Or we think we can switch churches like Billy Bob Thornton swaps out wives. (He’s been married 6 times.) If you switch churches without a biblical reason or seeking to problem-solve, it will cost you. Worse, it will cost your children.

We had a family some years ago. I’d built a friendship with their son, but they told me they wanted a better children’s program for their daughter. I don’t know where she is today. I do know the son is an atheist. The attack of isolation.

The attack of public slander, vss. 5-9. 

Because the British royal family lives under constant media scrutiny, sometimes a member stays out of the limelight for an extended period. When Princess Kate hadn’t been seen in public for months, and her Mother’s Day photo was scrutinized as possibly being doctored, conspiracy theories grew. These theories were irresistible for online jokesters. “Perhaps Kate Middleton had been using a body double, or was in a coma, or was engaged in an illicit tryst,” people speculated online. It turned out the truth was sadly tragic: Princess Kate was undergoing chemotherapy for cancer.

Sanballat attempts a “people are saying” to frighten Nehemiah. When someone throws one of those at you, ask a question: Who? If the response is, “I don’t want to say.” A valid response is, “Then, I don’t want to listen.”

An open letter was like posting fake news. Self-defense is a natural reaction to an accusation. People of integrity want to protect their reputation. If the king back in Persia bought the lie, Nehemiah risked his position and the stoppage of the work. If they couldn’t trick Nehemiah, they’d discredit him.

Nehemiah calmly denied the charges. He didn’t waste time defending himself and kept doing what God called him to do. Defending yourself from false accusations is usually a waste of time. Joe Stowell wisely said, Truth and time walk hand in hand. Sadly, we gravitate to bad news. If that weren’t the case the media would go bankrupt overnight.

When Alistair Begg was at Cleveland’s Parkside Church, he received a letter accusing him of a litany of charges. He wrote back: Dear So-in-So, Nehemiah 6:8, Sincerely, Alistair. ‘No such things as you say have been done, for you are inventing them out of your own mind.’

It’s impossible to live for Jesus without having your reputation smeared. It’s happened to me. It’s probably happened to you if you’re trying to live for Jesus. It’s painful. It’s when Psalm 119:71 needs to echo in our hearts. It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes.

James 3 warns us about sins of the tongue. No wonder three of the seven things that God hates in the book of Proverbs are sins of the tongue. The #1 enemy in the church is the tongue. It probably causes more hurt and division than any other sin. Folks, please don’t gossip, slander or do rumor sharing in our church. Please don’t do it and don’t listen to it.

Nehemiah takes these false accusations in stride. It must have hurt him. I think that’s why he prayed, But now, O God, strengthen my hands (Nehemiah 6:9). All of us have feeble hands, weak knees and fearful hearts periodically. May we find refuge in God alone.

Alan Redpath, one time pastor of Moody Church, urged his church to practice a simple formula before speaking: THINK. 

  • T – Is it true?
  • H – Is it helpful?
  • I – Is it inspirational?
  • N – Is it necessary?
  • K – Is it kind?

The attack of intimidation, vss. 10-14. 

I don’t think there’s anything much worse than being betrayed by a friend. Apparently, Shemaiah was someone Nehemiah thought he could trust. Because he was confined, Nehemiah might have gone to see him to encourage him. But Shemaiah had been bribed. He’s on Sanballat and Tobiah’s payroll. The old friend had become a new enemy.

Attempts to lure Nehemiah outside Jerusalem failed. The plot to make him into a rebel and enemy of the king failed. Now they try to make him a religious lawbreaker – which was big with the Jews.

Shemaiah shares a prophecy. It’s a false one. Be wary of those who say, “God told me” or “I have a word from the Lord.” If it doesn’t line up with the Bible, it’s not from God. 1 John 4:1 warns, Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

Nehemiah is not a priest or a Levite. It would have violated the Old Testament law for him to enter the temple and been a sacrilege.

Closing the temple doors would have left him without witnesses. It’d be his word against Shemaiah’s. Had Nehemiah done it, he’d have lost his credibility and could have been executed for violating the Law.  

How many times do Christians say, “I’ve prayed about it” as if it absolves them of obedience to God’s Word. The better you know the Word of God, the better you’ll know the will of God.

Shemaiah and other prophets, and even a prophetess, Noahdiah, try to frighten and bully Nehemiah. God doesn’t bully! Nehemiah wasn’t a people-pleaser. Too many of us do things because we want people to like us. My friend, do what pleases the Lord. That’s what truly matters.

Just because someone is a preacher or has a big church or ministry, it doesn’t mean they’re teaching God’s truth. Check what they say with Scripture. Billy Graham, Thousands of uninstructed Christians are being deceived today. False teachers use high-sounding words that seem like the height of logic, scholarship, and culture. They are intellectually clever…and adept at beguiling thoughtless, untaught men and women.

Nehemiah’s troubles have become more diabolical. He stood up to Shemaiah and other false prophets, but he doesn’t attack them as we’d be tempted to do. Instead, he cries out to God, Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, O my God, according to these things that they did, and also the prophetess Noadiah and the rest of the prophets who wanted to make me afraid (Nehemiah 6:14). Crying out to God is always our best response.

2. Doing God’s work always demands persistence, vss. 15-16.

So the wall was finished on the twenty-fifth day of the month Elul, in fifty-two days. And when all our enemies heard of it, all the nations around us were afraid and fell greatly in their own esteem, for they perceived that this work had been accomplished with the help of our God. Wow! What an amazing accomplishment! The wall was completed in 52 days. All the surrounding nations were afraid because they realized this was of God.

Nehemiah’s persistent resistance won victory for the Lord. When their enemies and surrounding nations saw the wall was completed, they lost their confidence. They had to admit this had been accomplished because of God.

All the enemies Sanballat had drawn into his conspiracies only widened the circle of God’s glory when the wall was finished. Even though Nehemiah and the wall workers had worked hard, their enemies didn’t attribute their success to hard work. They knew it was from God and they were afraid. When pagans see God working, it scares them. Their arrogance sprang a leak as they realized something supernatural was going on. It makes God real and they’re aware God is very powerful! Their respect for God increased!

3. Doing God’s work successfully doesn’t end attacks, vss. 17-19. 

You might expect an end to the memoirs of Nehemiah or a “they lived happily ever after” because the wall was completed. That doesn’t happen. The enemy attacks again. Moreover, in those days the nobles of Judah sent many letters to Tobiah, and Tobiah’s letters came to them. For many in Judah were bound by oath to him, because he was the son-in-law of Shecaniah the son of Arah: and his son Jehohanan had taken the daughter of Meshullam the son of Berechiah as his wife. Also they spoke of his good deeds in my presence and reported my words to him. And Tobiah sent letters to make me afraid (Nehemiah 6:17-19).

Sometimes the greatest attacks come after a victory. Andrew Bonar (picture) said, Let us be as watchful after the victory as before the battle.

The next attack came through the bluebloods of Judah who would have been influential, as Judah was the royal line. They were bound to Tobiah through marriage and shared everything Nehemiah said with this rat. At the same time, they continually complimented Tobiah to Nehemiah.

Attacking immediately after a victory is a common tactic of Satan. Many Christians go to the mountain top only to stumble quickly in the valley. Many couples fall into an argument right after leaving a Spirit-filled worship service. Many are tempted right after finishing their devotions and going to work. Right after a big victory we have a tendency to let down our guard and relax.

The last tactic the enemy used was infiltration through compromise. The nobles were under oath to Tobiah by marriage. Tobiah is ethnically mixed. He’s part Jewish and part Ammonite. In Hebrew his name meant “God is good.” He’d married a girl from Judah, and Judah as the royal tribe had great influence. His relationship contaminated these Jews from living for God.

Of all the attacks Nehemiah faces, this compromise was probably the most dangerous. Unlike all the others, Nehemiah doesn’t share any resolution of it. He later shares that this compromise is still happening many years after the completion of the wall, even after all the reforms in chapters 8-12.

Too many Christians jettison God’s Word for family relationships. A friend from Bible college was pastoring and his young daughter was molested by a young man in the church. When he tried to deal with it, he was fired. The boy was from a church family, and they wanted to cover it up. Relationships trumped obeying God. Sadly, it happens a lot. Christians close their eyes to blatant sin or won’t deal with it because it’s a relative or big giver.

Spiritual compromise is probably the most dangerous sin in the church. Satan often uses espionage. He infiltrates the church with secret agents who profess to be believers. Remember the 24 series? They’re playing a role but are loyal to the enemy. Christians like this are a kind of sleeper cell. The church is a great place to attend on Sundays but don’t ask them to surrender to the Lord, serve Him or sacrifice. Why? Like these nobles their hearts are in the world. They oppose godly men like Nehemiah who expose their spiritual compromise.

These compromising nobles are among the Jewish remnant. The greatest spiritual enemies are often in the church. No wonder Peter wrote, For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God (1 Peter 4:17).

What about you? Jesus must be Lord of all or He’s not Lord at all. Are you fully committed to Christ? Or are you playing a role, saying the right words but God doesn’t have your heart?

Conclusion

Let’s end with two vital truths.

Satan is subtle. 

Satan’s subtlety lies in his ability to deceive gradually rather than attacking overtly. Throughout Scripture, he is depicted as a master of cunning who misquotes truth, masquerades as goodness, and plants subtle doubts to lead people away from God. Behind these various attacks on God’s servant was a far more sinister enemy than Sanballat and Tobiah.

Jesus Christ is sufficient.

What does it mean that Jesus is sufficient? It means that Jesus is enough. Enough for what?

Jesus is enough to save us. 

Acts 4:12 says, there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12). Jesus is the only name that can take away our sin and save us. The “name of Jesus” represents all that Jesus Christ is and does. There is no one and nothing else we can add to Christ for our salvation.

Jesus is enough to provide for us. 

Philippians 4:19, And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. God will always take care of His people. Jesus has the ability and desire to supply every need that we have.

Jesus is enough to bless us. 

Paul said that God blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3). He didn’t say a “few” spiritual blessings, but “every” spiritual blessing. We can’t add anything more to “every.” Jesus is enough for every spiritual need we have.

Jesus is enough to equip us. 

We have the promise that God’s divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence (2 Peter 1:3). Jesus is all we need to equip us to live lives that please God.

Jesus is enough to strengthen us.

Even when we’re weak, Jesus’ strength is enough to carry us forward. Our weakness only perfects His power. There is nothing to add to Christ. His person and work are perfect. He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). He is the only one who can save, provide, bless, equip, and strengthen. Having faith in Jesus means trusting in His complete sufficiency. He’s all we need and the only the One that can forgive us and save us. Have you let Him forgive and save you from your sin?

Nehemiah trusted God. That’s how when the attacks came one after another, he didn’t come unglued. That same power is available to us. Are you unraveling this morning? Jesus Christ is sufficient! You can trust the same God that Nehemiah did. God will always come through for you!

Can we help you spiritually?

Check out these resources or call us: (262) 763-3021. If you’d like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I’d love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in “My Story.” E-mail me to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

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