A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.

As a 17-year-old Anne Graham Lotz, daughter of Billy and Ruth Graham, was involved in a car accident. Speeding carelessly down a windy mountain road, Anne smashed into her neighbor, Mrs. Pickering. Anne was too afraid to tell her father about the accident, so for the rest of the day she kept avoiding him. When she finally came home, she tried to tiptoe around her dad, but there he was, standing in the kitchen. Anne shares what happened next: “I paused for what seemed a very long moment frozen in time. Then I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck…I told him about my wreck—how I’d driven too fast and smashed into the neighbor’s car. I told him it wasn’t her fault; it was all mine. As I wept on his shoulder, he said four things to me:

• “Anne, I knew all along about your wreck. Mrs. Pickering came straight up the mountain and told me—and I was just waiting for you to come and tell me yourself.”
• “I love you.”
• “We can fix the car.”
• “You are going to be a better driver because of this.”

Anne concludes with, “Sooner or later, all of us are involved in some kind of wreck—it may be your own fault or someone else’s. When the damage is your fault, there’s a good chance you’ll be confronted by the flashing blue lights of the morality police. But my father gave me a deeper understanding of what it means to experience the loving, forgiving embrace of my heavenly Father.” 

I love that story. Because a child’s picture of who God is, begins with their picture of who their father is. Yet, sadly, with today’s culture’s addiction to male bashing, especially white male bashing, we’ve lost the appreciation for good husbands and fathers. While there are no perfect fathers, about the only time you hear something positive about a man today – even a Christian man, husband and father – is at his funeral. And if you google what a husband/dad needs, you’ll find more advice…even on Christian sites, on what a husband/dad should do, rather than on what he needs. Dads and husbands have needs, too… we all do. 

Personally, I’m weary of the TV shows, movies, memes and Facebook clips that show men as idiots, little more than sex-driven Neanderthals. The old saying is still true, You get more flies with sugar than with salt. So, since it’s Father’s Day what does the Bible teach that men need? 

Men Need Respect

Respect is one of a man’s deepest values. The top complaint marriage counselors will hear from a husband is that his wife doesn’t respect him. Given the choice between living a solitary life unloved or living in a world where he’s not respected, most men will choose the former. Men hear criticism and nagging as contempt. In response, he will often become silent and withdraw. Disrespect from his children is crushing. 

Respect means to tangibly express affirmations to your husband in sincere, non-manipulative ways. You can almost hear howls from some wives who rightly declare their husbands are not doing anything deserving of expressions of respect or appreciation. Let me ask a simple question: Has nagging, arguing or anything else been successful? Why not try appreciation and respect? You might just be shocked at the outcome. 

Men Need Confidentiality

Proverbs 31:11 says, The heart of her husband safely trusts her. Most men don’t trust easily. For a husband this means he has complete confidence in his wife’s loyalty, discretion, and intent to do him good, not harm. Men often face immense pressure, but when a husband knows his wife is his most trusted confidant, he can lay down his defenses without fear of his weaknesses being used against him.

A trustworthy wife guards her husband’s privacy, ensuring that his vulnerabilities and private family matters aren’t gossiped, griped about or shared inappropriately outside of the marriage. Maintaining this level of trust requires transparency, active listening, and consistently proving through actions that you’re a supportive, reliable partner. Children need to be taught that some things are “family only,” not for public consumption.  

Men Need Patience

A husband needs his wife to give him grace even when he blows it. He needs his wife to be patient with him in a way that demonstrates the mercy and grace of God. In a thriving marriage this gives him a safe space to grow. Key areas where a husband benefits greatly from his wife’s patience include the pace of his spiritual and personal growth. 

Men tend to process emotions and change at a different rate. Patience gives him room to learn, adapt, and grow without the pressure of unrealistic expectations. 

Everyone blows it. When a wife responds to her husband’s failures with grace, it provides unconditional love that cultivates a strong partnership. While a wife shouldn’t dishonestly cover for her husband, children need to be taught to be patient just as they want parents to be patient with them. 

Men Need Gratitude

Three of the worst words a wife can say when he completes that project she’s been asking him to do…for a while, “It’s about time.” Why does a husband help the neighbor’s wife or a female coworker before attending to projects at home? One word – gratitude. 

Do you want to touch your husband’s heart? Praise him to others. If you really want to gain points, praise him to his mother. She won’t keep it a secret and you’ve helped both your relationship with her and your husband. It’s important to take time to tell him directly why you’re thankful for him. 

This should involve not only thanking God but also thanking your partner—directly and specifically—for things he does that bless and enrich your life. For many of us, it’s easy to think of the things about our spouse that irritate us. Let me suggest making a list of things that you’re thankful about when it comes to your husband. Here are some ways you might complete the sentence, I am thankful for you because…I have someone to share my life with. The ways in which we differ make me a better person by stretching me. I have someone to laugh with. I have someone to hold me when life gets hard. I have someone to come home to. I have someone to challenge me. I have someone to cuddle with!

There are no perfect husbands/fathers. I know that because I’m one and far from perfect. I also know that God gave you the dad you have for His purpose and plan. Good, bad or ugly, he’s the only one you’ll ever have. So, by God’s grace, and not just on Father’s Day, treat him the way your Heavenly Father wants you to treat him. It’s healthy for your soul and his!