Scripture: John 19:25-27
Sermon Series: Mary, He called her Mother – Sermon 10

Do you have an elephant in the room family? “Elephant in the room” (picture) is an old English Idiom. It’s something that everybody is thinking about, but nobody talks about. So, don’t you hate those family moments when there’s a get together and there’s an “elephant in the room”? Everybody knows it’s there, but no one wants to talk about it. Nearly every family has a “do not talk about list.” Sometimes it can be very fresh. Other times it’s gone on for years.

Siblings may have had a falling out years ago. Or Dad bought a new boat and Mom just found out about it. Johnny is back in jail. Julie is in rehab. Mark and Matilda are getting a divorce. Every family’s got them.

Can you imagine the tension in the room at the first Thanksgiving after Jesus’ death, burial, resurrection and ascension. Mary, her family and her plus one. I don’t know where they gathered. Maybe it was at John’s home.

We know that Joseph had already passed away, probably before Jesus started His earthly ministry at age 30. So, Mary lost her husband and her first born, who should be the one taking care of her. I use the term “lost” loosely when it comes to Jesus.

We know that Mary and Joseph had other children, at least four sons and two daughters. James was one of them, the one who wrote one of the books of the New Testament and had it named after him. James was one of Jesus’ brothers, which by the way if you’re wondering if Jesus is the Messiah, if you can convince your brother you’re the Messiah? Read James for yourself. James was convinced.

In John 19:25-27, we have an elephant in the room. Jesus is dying. It’s Goodbye, Mom. Can you imagine the tension the first holiday after His death and resurrection? Because on the cross when Jesus is dying, He doesn’t pick one of His brothers to take care of His Momma. He picks a disciple, John. He chooses His favorite disciple to take care of His mother.  

It was culturally wrong. It was a faux pau. I wonder who told James. “Hey, Mom, why don’t you come stay at our house until we can figure something out.” “It’s okay. I’m going to John’s.” Who’s she going to have carve the turkey? John?  An elephant in the room…an elephant in the death of Jesus.

We don’t know how it went down but it’s weird. With Jesus dying on the cross before He breathes His last, He looks at Mary and says, “Here’s your son.” And to John, “Here’s your mom.” “But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home” (John 19:25-27). John concludes from Jesus’ words, “I need to take care of Mary the rest of my days.” Why did Jesus do this? What are the lessons for us? If you’re taking notes.

1. Jesus is teaching the importance of His new family.

The first word Jesus spoke from the cross was a prayer for His enemies, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do (Luke 23:34). The second was to the dying thief, You will be with Me in Paradise (Luke 23:43). Jesus spoke seven times from the cross. All of them were either salvation related or the fulfillment of prophecy. This statement is the only one for those standing around His cross. It’s a final message to the two who loved Him the most.

Mary was probably in Jerusalem for the Passover. She’s there for her Jesus’ mocking and the crowds crying out for His blood. She followed Him to Golgotha. She watched as the soldiers pounded nails into His hand and feet. She saw the whole barbaric scene with some of her family and friends and Jesus’ beloved disciple, John. Four believing women stood by as four unbelieving Roman soldiers crucified Jesus and gambled for His belongings.

“When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took His garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also His tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, so they said to one another, “Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be.” This was to fulfill the Scripture which says, “They divided My garments among them, and for My clothing they cast lots” (John 19:23-24).

Why did Jesus speak to His mother at that moment? Probably because she was the one who made the tunic for Him. Maybe she sobbed as they gambled over her Son’s clothes, the ones she’d made for Him.

There on the cross, Mary saw the baby she’d held and nursed, this One who had only brought joy to her and Joseph. Simeon’s prophecy was coming true, a sword was piercing her heart (Luke 2:35).

Mary stood at the foot of the cross. How she must have suffered to see Him wrongly accused, unjustly tried and put to death! No one else could have told the story of Jesus like Mary. Yet there are no recorded words from her about this horrible ordeal. She, more than anyone on earth, knew why He went to the cross. Her silence speaks volumes.

What is Jesus saying? How could John replace Jesus? It’s the kindness of Jesus to provide for His mother. John can care for Mary, but John can never take the place of Jesus. Why does Jesus say, Here is your son?

There’s something more going on here than Jesus providing for the future care of His mother. The relationship between Jesus and Mary is changing. For 33 years, Jesus has been the son of Mary according to the flesh, but He’s also the Son of God. He’s the God-Man. At the Incarnation He assumed human flesh, which He took from His mother so He could become our redeemer. It’s why He came into the world. It’s why He was on the cross.

As the life ebbs away from Him, the old order passes and the relationship between Mary and Jesus is changing. Mary, in her grief, must have been crying out, “My son, my son, my son…” And Jesus is saying, “No, you must no longer think of Me as your son. Woman, behold your son. From now on John is to take that place in your life. Regard him as your son.” 

So, how is she to regard Jesus? As her Savior and her Lord. When the angel told Mary of this child to be born, she said, My spirit rejoices in God my Savior (Luke 1:47). She’d always looked to God as her Savior. But how would God save her? Answer: Jesus goes to the cross and lays down the life He’d drawn from Mary. His body is broken. His blood poured out. Mary’s Son dies and, in His death, He pays her sin debt and becomes her Savior.

Please understand what’s happening here. It’s fantastic! Mary loses an irreplaceable Son and she gains an incomparable Savior. She lost the love of a Son and gained the love of a Savior who death could never take from her. She gave Him life in the flesh for a time. He gave her life in the Spirit for eternity. She didn’t need a Son, she needed a Savior just as we all do.

Mary not only gained a Savior; she became part of a new family. We talk about this a lot at Grace. It’s why we encourage church membership. Please understand we’re not looking for a big church membership. It’s a growth step. It’s a commitment to the Bible’s teaching of spiritual family.

After the cross our relationships are twofold. The first relationship for everyone who commits their life to Christ is union with Christ. Not only do we have an eternal union with Christ, but we also have an eternal union with all who have trusted Jesus as their Savior. The reason that Jesus didn’t give the care of Mary to members of His family is that they hadn’t yet believed on Him and weren’t part of His forever family. In fact, the next time we find Mary in the Bible, she’s gathered with this new spiritual family.

The local church family is God’s powerful message of hope to a dying world. When you meet someone and they’re a person of character. They’re kind and loving, you notice. They stick out in your mind. Here’s something more powerful and what Jesus wants. When you meet a group of individuals that other than their commitment to the gospel are unrelated, yet they’re people of character. They’re Christlike, kind and loving, you notice.

Trusting Christ doesn’t only change our relationship with God. It’s to change our relationships with each other. We’re commanded to love each other. More importantly, we are commanded to be loving to each other.

How can Christians be horrible to each other, when Jesus commanded us in John 15:12, This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. How much does Jesus love you? How much does He love me? That’s how we’re to love each other. It should change everything!

When Jesus says to Mary: “Look on John as your son”; and to John: “Look on Mary as your mother”; He’s showing us how our needs will be met when we leave everything to follow Him.

One of the gifts Jesus gave to us was the local church: a loving, sustaining, encouraging family beyond family. It’s such a great encouragement to our faith that Jesus illustrates the meaning of the local church the way He did in this family relationship of two unrelated people, John and Mary.

The New Testament teaches that spiritual relationships are deeper than physical ones. Jesus had several brothers who were in a position to take care of Mary, but He turns to John instead. Jesus could trust John with such an important assignment because John was a part of His spiritual family.

Every believer knows that Jesus gave us the Great Commission. We’re to win this world with the good news of the gospel, that Jesus died for all of our sins. We’re forgiven. We have hope both for this world and all eternity.

Have you ever wondered why we’re so seemingly ineffective? I’m convinced it’s because we have so little commitment to Jesus’ family, the local church. If salvation doesn’t change your relationships, then maybe you just had a religious experience and not a born-again one.

There’s something wrong when we can just leave a church and fail to seek to biblically problem-solve as we’re commanded to in Matthew 18. Too many Christians have more respect for their employer than their church family. If we don’t like things at work, we’ll try to work them out. We don’t just disappear. We give two weeks’ notice. But not with the church. We rarely seek to problem-solve and often just disappear.

We’re consumers when Jesus’ plan is for us to be family. If you’re a consumer and this is a franchise, if we don’t have what the right kind of fruit loops, you go to the next franchise down the road. If you get bad service, or the music isn’t your style. It’s jazz and you love the Beatles; you won’t let it be. You hit the road, Jack.

Can you imagine talking to a friend and you ask them about their family, yet when you talk to them, they tell you, Oh, I’ve got a new family now? Once they’ve done it a few times, you don’t look to them for family advice. If as Jesus’ family, we can’t work things out. If we can’t love each other, forgive each other, problem solve – what do we have to offer a lost world? Why would they believe that God loves them because it certainly hasn’t helped us to obey Him and love each other?

Mariano DiGangi (picture) powerfully wrote, “Our Lord brings into being the brotherhood of believers. He fashions the fellowship of the household of faith. This is the new society, which is not segregated according to race or nationality. It is not predicated upon social standing or economic power. It consists of those whose faith meets at the cross, and whose experience of forgiveness flows from the cross.”

2. Jesus is teaching the importance of courage. 

Mary and other women disciples were at the cross while the male disciples fled—all except, John. It’s reasonable to conjecture that the other disciples were failing in their faith, while Mary, John and the other women remained faithful.

Jesus entrusted His mother to His friend because His own loved ones weren’t present. But His beloved friend is courageously standing by. He’s in the danger zone, in the zone of shame and suffering. In a sense Mary had to go to John’s home simply because there was no place else to go.

This speaks to those who live or work in an environment hostile to their faith. The courageous Christian doesn’t obnoxiously declare Christ every day and annoy his/her coworkers. They live their faith out. When the time comes to stand up, when it might cost them, Christ gives them the strength to do it. Their courage is respected, because it’s something real.

When you see the cross, it fills your screen. It’s the elephant in the room. It’s gripping, unavoidable and inescapable. When you see the cross, how can you just go on with your day? You either embrace it or deny it. There’s no middle ground. It’s why Christ-followers throughout the ages have made their boast in the crucified Christ. We courageously live in the shadow of the cross in what someone called consummate splendor in monstrous horror.

3. Jesus is teaching the importance of caring.

In 1924, Jack Sundine was a young boy who had the opportunity to meet the President, Calvin Coolidge, in the White House. Jack recalls as he waited in the long line with his father, he noticed the President was saying something to every person as he shook their hands. Jack was excited at the thought of having the President speak some profound words to him. Finally, the moment arrived. As young Jack shook hands with the President, Coolidge bent over and said three words Jack never forgot, Move along quickly. What a disappointment! He got the impression the President didn’t care if he was there.

Too often people don’t care about us. When you share your problems with someone they may say, “Excuse me, you’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a rip.” But Jesus cares. He’s dying. He’s bearing the sins of the world on Himself, but He cares for His aging mother.

Most of us when we’re in pain, when we’re suffering – we think about ourselves. Not Jesus. Even on the cross, He cares about others. His first word was a prayer for His enemies who nailed Him there. His second was love and an appeal to a criminal crucified beside Him who wanted salvation. His third is love and care for His mother. Lehman Strauss wrote (picture), No man dies in vain who blesses others in his expiration. That’s Jesus.

There’s no greater loss than the loss of a child. It goes against our natural order for a parent to bury a child. I’ve done at least three funerals for children under five years. What do you say? Those are so hard. Or what do you say to a mother who has had another miscarriage?

Jesus cared for Mary because she’s watching her Son die. Can you imagine her agony as she saw the blood drip from His body? Then, she watched them nail Him to the cross and curse Him. I don’t know how she stood it.

Years ago, when Ben was a toddler, he had seizures. His doctor thought it might be meningitis, so they did a spinal tap. It’s very painful. I had to leave the area. Ben’s screams broke my heart.

Can you imagine what this did to Mary? I wonder if she clung to the cross after He died before Joseph of Arimathea removed His body. Can you hear her sobs? Sometimes caring is all that we can do. Wednesday, Ron Strelow and I met with a contractor about our current project who’d just lost his elderly mother. My heart went out to him.

Most of us have no concept of how much Jesus cares for us. Sometimes we think Jesus only cares about our sin, but He cares about so much more! If God cares when a sparrow falls, He cares about what would be considered little things in our lives. 1 Peter 5:7 says, Casting all your anxieties on him, because He cares for you. Write that promise in your heart. He cares for you! There’s nothing too small to bring to Jesus. The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing, so pray about everything because Jesus really cares.

The Bible instructs us to care for aging parents. It’s what Jesus was doing. Some of you are heroes when it comes to this. “Honor widows who are truly widows. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God” (1 Timothy 5:3-4).

In her book, The Gospel Comes with a Housekey, Rosaria Butterfield (picture) shares about taking care of her angry atheist mother as her mother was dying of cancer. Her mom was very cruel. But God blessed Rosaria’s faithfulness and before her mom died, she came to Christ.

When we care like Jesus, we show something powerful to a cruel world. This is so practical, but it could have been said at any time. Jesus could have taken care of His mom before He went to the cross. One of the greatest messages that we share with our world is that we care because Jesus cares.

Author Leo Buscaglia (picture), once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year-old whose next-door neighbor was an elderly man who’d recently lost his wife. When the little boy saw the man cry, the boy went into the man’s yard, climbed up on his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he’d said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing. I just helped him cry.” That’s caring. Is there someone who needs you to help them cry? Jesus is teaching the importance of caring. We must care because Jesus cares.

4. Jesus is teaching the importance of suffering. 

Can anyone suffer like a mother? I wonder what Mary would think today of Christians wearing a cross around their neck. Would she think a small cross is appropriate? Would she think that it was truly something Christian?

We’re so used to it that we barely pause to think about it. A cross was a brutal instrument of death used by brutal leaders. It wreaked vengeance on the enemies of the State. Mary knew what the cross was really like. It was the source of horrific suffering.

Inevitably, suffering invades the life of every believer. Mary was the only one privileged to be at both Jesus’ birth and death. When we hurt, we should  consider what God required of Mary. Yet God gave her the grace to endure.

Erwin Lutzer (picture) has a beautiful way of describing the scene that day: “She who had planted kisses on the brow of that little Child, now saw that brow crowned with thorns. She who held those little hands as He learned to walk, now saw those hands pierced with nails. She who had cradled Him in her arms, now saw Him writhing alone on the garbage dump of Jerusalem. She who loved Him at birth, came to love Him even more in death.”

Mary followed Jesus to the cross and suffered. If you’re a Christ-follower, you’ll suffer. Everyone suffers but as Christians, we suffer differently. We suffer in hope. The Bible says suffering is part of life. We must choose. Will it embitter us toward God or like Mary, help us draw closer to God?

Suffering gives us an opportunity to grow in grace and trust Him more (Job 2; 2^nd Corinthians 12:8-10; 1 Peter 4:12-13). Everyone experiences pain at some point. It reminds us of our dependence on the Lord. We desperately need Him to carry us through as we wait eagerly for our eternal home. As believers, suffering in this life makes us long to see our Savior face-to-face.

5. Jesus is teaching the importance of obedience.

And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home (John 19:27). That John took Mary into his own home means more than she went to live with him. It means that from then on, he took responsibility for her. He acted at once and is a model for us.

He took Mary home to a house in Jerusalem. According to legend, John took her with him when he moved to Ephesus. John didn’t question Jesus, “What about your brothers? Can’t they take care of your mother?” His obedience was immediate, joyful and sacrificial. It’s an example for us.

Do you struggle with being obedient to Christ? Heather Cooper (picture) shares a humorous story: I walked into the living room to find toys scattered everywhere and a very forlorn figure sitting in the midst of them. About 10 minutes earlier I had asked my son to clean up his toys before bedtime, and was surprised to find that little, if any, progress had been made in the time I had been away. “Hey, buddy, it doesn’t look like you’ve done what I asked you to do and pick up your toys. It should be done by now. Why haven’t you obeyed?”  He flopped his arms out and said in a distraught voice, “I’m struggling right now, so I can’t clean up my toys.” Why are you struggling?” I questioned. “Because,” he replied, “I just don’t want to obey right now.” 

How many times is that us, “we just don’t want to obey God right now”? Elisabeth Elliot (picture) said, “A whole lot of what we call ‘struggling’ is simply delayed obedience.”

We know exactly what obedience to the Lord is supposed to look like yet tried to find some “clever” way of getting out of it, not realizing we’re creating far more difficulty than if we’d just obeyed in the first place. Somehow, we think our way is better than God’s. We might not have said so, but our actions prove it. But the outcome of disobedience is always painful. John obeyed right away. We must learn to obey God as he did, promptly.

Conclusion

Mary is mentioned one more time after Jesus’ resurrection and her life ends in hope. Her Son paid for her sin and became her Savior.

On the cross Jesus remembered His mother but He also remembered us. He gave His life to save us. All that He did was in vain unless you repent of your sins and trust Him as your Savior. We don’t need to go to the geographical spot called Calvary. We can kneel before Him right where we are and embrace the Son of God as our Savior. That’s the real elephant in the room. Do you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior? Are you ready for eternity?

AP news carried a story from Florida. In rural Lake County, according to police reports, two elderly sisters drove around for two and a half days before their car finally bogged down in a muddy orange grove. The two ladies, one 80 and the other 84, had been on a shopping trip to a town just 20 miles from their rural home where they lived together. Somewhere on the return trip, the driver took the wrong turn. In an attempt to get back on the right road, the women drove around in circles for over 60 straight hours, not stopping to eat and never once asking for help. The police, in attempting to retrace their journey, estimated that the two had traveled over 200 miles trying to reach their home that was only 20 miles away. 

Finally, they were discovered by a farmer, their car hopelessly stuck, one sister dead from exposure. The other lying under an orange tree in critical condition. Later when asked why they didn’t seek help or ask directions, the surviving sister said “Oh, we didn’t want to do that! We’ve always been so independent, we wouldn’t have dreamed of admitting we needed help.”

That’s like so many in our world. Maybe it’s you? So many want to make it to God on their own. It can’t be done. The Bibles declares that you’re lost without Jesus Christ. Furthermore, you’re traveling on a road heading to eternal death, but Jesus Christ came into the world, to seek and to save those who are lost. He died for you to pay your sin debt.

All the other religions in the world will tell you that it you want to be forgiven, if you want to go to heaven, you must do something, attain to something, join something, give something, become something.”

There was once a rather eccentric evangelist named Alexander Wooten. Wooten was approached by a flippant young man who asked, “What must I do to be saved?” “It’s too late!” Wooten replied and went about his work. The young man became alarmed. “Do you mean that it’s too late for me to be saved?” he asked. “Is there nothing I can do?” “Too late!” said Wooten. It’s already been done! The only thing you can do is believe.”

That’s the message of the cross. The work of salvation is complete.  It’s why Jesus said, “It is finished.” What separates those who are saved from those who are lost is the fact that some have come to cross and admitted their helplessness and sinfulness and have received the free gift of forgiveness and eternal life. Others haven’t. They’re trying to work their way to heaven, and it can’t be done. Or, worse, they’ll refuse to admit they need saving after all.

When O. Henry (picture) the famous writer was dying, his final words were, “Have someone turn up the lights. I don’t want to go home in the dark.”

You never need to fear that my friend, for Jesus Christ, the light of the world, has promised to shed abroad in your heart His light if you’ll believe in Him. Listen to the words of the dying Lamb of God.

Jesus said, “It’s finished” but you must trust Him. You must believe that His death was enough for you. Have you done that? If not, why not pray to Him right now and commit your life to Him today?